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warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563


0 posted 2000-01-18 11:57 AM


he licked the bowl clean,
then he lay down, and died.
I screamed a noise I didn't
know was coming from me,
as I knelt beside him,
my friend, almost like my child.
I knew it was to happen soon,
but the knowing did nothing
to prepare me for the pain.

warmhrt


[This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 01-18-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved
Hawk183
Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130

1 posted 2000-01-18 01:30 PM


Warmhrt,

I like this poem...however...I hope I am not liking it for the wrong reason....I read it and immidiately think of my dog that died two years ago...he was truly a friend, almost a child.  Thanks for letting loose a memory...

Hawk

[This message has been edited by Hawk183 (edited 01-18-2000).]

warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

2 posted 2000-01-18 01:34 PM


Hawk,
Thanks. This was written years ago, but just typing it brought back the feelings...and a tear.  Glad you enjoyed it though, but hope it didn't make you too sad.

warmhrt

haze
Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528
Bethlehem, PA USA
3 posted 2000-01-18 01:35 PM


warmhart...I can't imagine what I would feel like if this was one of my cats...

What I like about this poem is the *snap*...it has a tangible feel of emotion running underneath the first line and then the scream...This drew me out immediately...
Strong Kudos

~haze
*now may I please have a tissue?*



[This message has been edited by haze (edited 01-18-2000).]

simplyYRREHS
Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 162

4 posted 2000-01-18 01:37 PM


warmhrt~
Today is the day for me to be in here...everything from anger to sadness, all seems to fit perfectly.  I just lost our family dog of 13 years this past weekend.  Just as any human member, the loss of a pet is a very sensative happening.  How symbolic your poem showing up here this morning is for me.  Thanks for sharing.

(oh yea...CA...the poem was written very well, too   hehehe)

  Sherry  < !signature-->

 "Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads." ~Henry David Thoreau




[This message has been edited by simplyYRREHS (edited 01-18-2000).]

jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
5 posted 2000-01-18 01:40 PM


WH:

I let Hawk go first on this one ... didn't want to be the first one to say this reminded me of my dog.    Quite the emotional piece.

The last three lines kinda blunt the sharpness of the immediacy in the first six line (just a little bit).  I realize they are reflections on a past event, but if you could tie the thoughts expressed in the last three lines closer to the feelings in the first six I think it would give this one more emotional punch.  You understand what I mean?  

Nice work, Grasshopper.



 Jim

"If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther


warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

6 posted 2000-01-18 01:54 PM


haze,
Thanks, GF. Appreciate your comments, and hope your cats live forever.

Sherry,
I am truly sorry, and extend my sincere sympathy.  It's not easy, I know ... hope this didn't make things worse.

Jim,teach,
Whereya been?  I just saw you posted something new ... have to go check it out.
I see what you mean, but I would think of it as a wind down, and, actually, it is the whole point of the poem ... that even if we think we're prepared for something tragic we know is going to happen, it just doesn't work out that way.  If you have any suggestions on how I could add a "punch to that, I'd appreciate any suggestions.  Thanks

warmhrt

jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
7 posted 2000-01-18 01:57 PM


Maybe you could move the last three lines to the front of the poem.  End it with an emotional punch.  Just a suggestion.
Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
8 posted 2000-01-18 03:02 PM


Warmhrt,

I'm sorry to be so late in responding to this one. Honestly I read it before anyone had answered but just didn't have anything to say at the time (was speachless almost seems a cliche).

I too, have lost beloved animals over the years but the hardest one was probably a small mutt given to my daughter when she was about 5 years old. This was the best and most loveable dog I ever knew although he was far from attractive. Well, he only lived about 12 years and ... (but I don't need to bore everyone with history). That last night, about 10 years ago, when he needed my help to get into his little bed, I somehow knew that was the last time we would greet each other. Building that little box and digging the hole for him in the backyard was one of the hardest thing I ever had to do.

Well, here I've rambled on and on and wasted a lot of time ~wipes away a tear~ when the subject should be your poem. But this is the quality of emotion it causes. A beauty.

As for CA, I had nothing to add until I read Jim's post. When I go back and reread the poem, with the last 3 lines moved to the top, I really do think that improves it even more. Jim, how do you do it?

Thanks for the read.


 Pete

roxane
Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505
us
9 posted 2000-01-18 03:49 PM


i like the first line the best.  i picture an old dog, having lived a wonderful life, and "licked the bowl clean".  you see, it sort of justifies it.  nice work here, and a difficult subject too.

Ted Reynolds
Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331

10 posted 2000-01-18 04:37 PM


I am inspired to try the theme myself.

      HAIKU
I know he is dying,
But I am fully prepared --
Oh, god, oh God, no!

warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

11 posted 2000-01-19 12:10 PM


Jim,
I tried what you suggested (wrote it out on paper), but it just didn't feel right.  Thanks so much for the suggestion anyway.

Pete,
Sorry ... this seems to be evoking a lot of sad memories in people. This dog was a Westie ... beautiful animal, and very smart.
Would burrow under the covers and sleep by my feet.  I got Minnie, a Cairn, about six months later.  She's my buddy, and the sweetest, most loving dog I've had.  Okay, my turn to quit rambling.  Hope this brought up some good memories too.

roxane,
You are the only one who saw that aspect.
Congrats, and glad you enjoyed.

Ted,
I really couldn't tell if you liked it or not, but I liked the Haiku.

warmhrt


[This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 01-19-2000).]

Trevor
Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700
Canada
12 posted 2000-01-19 12:35 PM


I gotta say I really liked this poem. It's sad but at the same time it isn't...ya know what I mean. The only advice I can offer is perhaps consider rewording "I screamed a noise I didn't
know was coming from me" I found it a little awkward even though the message was completely clear. Anyways, great poem (and ya know I rarely say that....even now I'm grinding my teeth  ), thanks for the read and take care,
Trevor

warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

13 posted 2000-01-19 09:23 AM


Trevor,
Well,  if you rarely say that,  I'm very appreciative that it was said here.  I feel your suggestion is good ... I'll work on attempting to say what I want to in a different,  or more  flowing,  manner.
Thanks,

warmhrt

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