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Passionate Flight
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Passionate Flight |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563
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she can withstand no more, she knows she must go, running blindly into the concealment of night, her gray matter pulsing, pushing against her skull, sending shockwaves that she can feel in her toes. she opens the red door, shiny as glass, slides in behind the controls, the seat cradling her gently, and she turns the key, opens the headlamps, looks for clearance, and hits reverse, out into the road, and into first, popping the clutch as she gets to third. on her way, flying through the night, seeking open roads where she can soar, testing her skills, and those of her beloved ride. the road she has been searching for is beneath her now, and she settles in at seventy-five, finding at last, some relaxation, freedom from vexation, she pops in a cd ... sings along, as headlights cut through the blackness, a path going nowhere, doesnt matter ... no, nothin' matters now, she's in flight. warmhrt |
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| © Copyright 2000 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved | |||
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patchoulipumpkin Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196Bermuda |
this is pretty cool, and its a great idea of flying while driving. If i can make a suggestion, try if you can to whittle the words and language down a bit to sort of help create the anxious, tense, build up to the "flight". For example, make the language a bit stronger, she can't take it anymore She's had enough She runs blindly into The night Her matter pulsing Pushing against her skull Sending shockwaves that Hit her toes She opens the red door That shines like glass And slides into her cockpit The seat cradles her gently She turns the key... I don't know if this helps any, but if you can capture the tension of "flight" with the words it gives the poem just a little bit more strength. I did enjoy it... |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Thanks again for reading, and advising Patch. This time, though, I like it the way it is ... to me, it conveys the feelings just as I want to say them. I'm glad you enjoyed it, though. Sincerely, warmhrt |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
WARMHRT-DAMN! My grandmom used to do that...take flight on a drive to (anywhere). I dislike driving so its not something I relate to, except through this verse...I could feel the escape, the freedom of the road and the wind...washing it off...GREAT WORK POET! I see you like it as it is...you know I would hone it down, dispense with the "she"'s & "her"'s just to tighten it but I like the softer language, goes along with my visual as above. Til Again ~haze |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
haze, Thank-you once again, glad you enjoyed. When I'm a granny, I'll be the best driver on the road ...and the quickest. |
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Hawk183 Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130 |
Warmhrt, I like the first stanza of this poem the best...I could see this woman sitting,maybe rocking back and forth, before she makes her bolt for the door. This was exellent, a wonderful expression of life's little "vacations." Hawk |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Thanks, Hawk ... glad to know you were able to picture that image from the first stanza. That's what I was hoping to do. warmhrt |
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