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Critical Analysis #1
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Attraction
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Attraction |
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patchoulipumpkin Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196Bermuda |
I see her everywhere I go Her face, eyes that search you Look through For something I met her last week At a bar A cliché But we both smiled We talked Laughed Spoke of our lives As fools And mild paranoiacs And it was there Something You could feel it But the bar closed And she left It was over Right when it had just started But I saw her again At a fruitstand She liked oranges More than grapefruits I said they don’t compare She laughed And said you were probably right They were different I offered her a grape She didn’t like them Although she did like wine, she said I said they don’t compare She said they did They were the same I said they were different We had our first fight A little unresolved She went for the bananas While I went for the apples There was something So I hustled my courage To talk to her about bananas But she had gone It was over As soon as it had started I didn’t see her for quite some time I looked for her on buses In taxis On sidewalks In small cafes She couldn’t be found Then in class one day I turned around She was sitting right behind me “Hi”, I said “Hi”, she said I wanted to tell her I had seen her Before And we had talked about fruit Our paranoia And our lives But it didn't matter Somehow she already knew Even though she wasn't there |
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| © Copyright 2000 patchoulipumpkin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Patch, I sympathize. Isn't it times like the ones you describe here what make it worth leaving the house in the morning? I loved this one very good theme, I wish I had thought of it.  Keep up the good work.J.L.H. Jason I...I have seen the best minds of my generation... --Allen Ginsberg |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
patch, Great concept, great piece! I shop for things, put them in the cart, and then she puts half of them back! Geez, can I relate to this. Really nice work! warmhrt [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 01-17-2000).] |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
patch-- a very intriguing piece here. i absolutely loved the fruit-stand paragraphs, thought they were witty and brilliant. one thing, though, i thought the line "right when it had just started" was a little redundant; i'd maybe say "right when it started", or set up a repetition of "as soon as it started" like you have later. just a thought... very well done, patch, i liked this one. jenni |
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