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paper cuts
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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paper cuts |
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karneliann Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 44Baltimore, MD, USA |
this was really written to be performed, but since i've been sitting on this awhile and have not yet had that happy opportunity, i figured i'd let you folks have a look. but please keep in mind that this works better as a performance piece. paper cuts accumulate on my fleshy palms even though I am a friend of fat cat's he would gladly drown me in a paper bag if it would turn a profit listen to the chorus of stale minds crumbling against the background drone of fluorescent bars beige, grey, taupe, white, plastic and metal edging out the colors from my brain and the rain, the acid rain pissing from above you'd think it wouldn't get me on account of the glass ceiling and all but it always seems to seep down dripping from the soles of kitty's wingtips new and improved clinging to little bits of gravel and slush cuz it's winter it's always winter so of course nothing grows the little fruit there is kitty sucks out the juice adulterate, distribute throw away the pulp where the real nutrition is (at least that's what my mom says) but I'm a kitten myself and I drink 10% fruit juice and I like it cuz who wants to squeeze their own oranges? it's a pain, and besides, I'm tired so I got some band-aids for my paper cuts and I'm gonna watch some tv so just gimme a shove and tell me if my colors are bleeding into the sofa. < !signature--> "My empire is of the imagination." -- She [This message has been edited by karneliann (edited 01-14-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 karneliann - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
This poem is a little bit abstract for my tastes, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. I especially liked "and the rain, the acid rain pissing from above you'd think it wouldn't get me on account of the glass ceiling and all but it always seems to seep down" and although it takes away somewhat from the flow of the poem, I like the line "(at least that's what my mom says)" for its contribution to the voice and character of the speaker. |
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karneliann Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 44Baltimore, MD, USA |
yeah, it's tough for me because when i read it, i hear it in my head how i say the words, but you don't have the same special effects. i don't think it sounds as abstract when i speak it. as i said before, i think this piece would be more effective performed. "My empire is of the imagination." -- She |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
WOW! I really like your work. I'd say the narrator truly dislikes her boss, and her paper-pushing job. I know the feeling ... I quit, and went back to college. Great piece! |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
karneliann: you're quickly becoming one of my favorite poets to read on this forum... your imagery is superb and your poems flow smoothly (even if they are irregular verse)... for some reason i see this one as a pink floyd song or something of that nature... *shrugs* dont ask why, i have an odd mind (and apparently so do you -- i like that *waa haa haa haa haa haa*)  sincerely, **jerome the boy whose brain got left out in the rain and nobody bothered to dry it off when they put it back in |
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karneliann Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 44Baltimore, MD, USA |
jerome- you sure know how to get to me--one of the best compliments you can give me is to tell me i'm different. i'm glad you enjoy reading my stuff (even if it is all free verse). you crack me up; i feel much the same about your work. maybe i'll tackle a sonnet one of these days and let you rip me apart. warmhrt- you can be sure that i've already put in my application to return to school! "My empire is of the imagination." -- She |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
karneliann: *heh* i wouldn't know how to "rip" a sonnet apart even if i had a textbook with me... i pretty much just get mine ripped apart (note my other posts on this forum ^_^*)... oh, and i do write free-verse myself sometimes, but it's usually LONG free-verse... not overly-lengthy poems, just long running verses (if you've ever read any of jack kerouac's prose or alan ginsberg's howl then you'd know what i'm talking about)... if you want to rip my free-verse apart then look for my poem "Symposium" posted in Open Poetry #5 around 4:00 am on 1-15-00 (it's buried somewhere with no responses)... i'm too scared to post my free-verse here...  waiting for my roomate to wake-up, **jerome the boy whose brain got left out in the rain and nobody bothered to dry it off when they put it back in |
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