Critical Analysis #1 |
Lost Escape |
PrincessDoo Junior Member
since 1999-07-30
Posts 41Cerritos, CA, USA |
My escape taken at the instance of hope Remedial knowledge no help to cope Last chances not taken falling from the end of the rope No where to run to tumbling down a declining slope Once held as peaceful clouds turning into battle grounds Enclosed in the company of my only enemy Only escape from this horrible little space To turn to my guidance and plead for quick absence To leave my place and be strong enough to face Death to come quick and rid me of this evil sick Never to return to repeat my fate Never to find what was left on my plate Of life, to take it under my own choice My last words given strength by my voice And my last drink to fulfill my last wish of a dozen pills |
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elvira Senior Member
since 1999-07-06
Posts 936California |
my advice on the structure, no offense intended four lines ending in the same rhyming scheme followed by "enemy" "space" "absence" "face" endings (don't know the poetic term for that scheme) then two couplets and a final unrhymed line ...it is a bit confusing to read counting syllables helps me establish a smoother flow in my poetry...other than that, please keep in mind, i can only give advice about things i use on my own poems...and i am certainly no expert poetess, but i hope these comments helped? [This message has been edited by elvira (edited 08-16-99).] |
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