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Chem. Soc.
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Chem. Soc. |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
I posted half of this poem on a board on a sister site. Here's the whole thing. Crucifix of iron, decorated Mother's lifeless walls; Which stretched to timeless nothing through vacant vampire halls. And Father had been crying, weeping bitter tears, 'Cause hero could no longer protect Son from fears. Blood seeped from our tired eyes, Crushed to silence by screaming nights, Of sitting in quiet coffee shops in Burbank or Miami, Listening to the chatter of our shattered companions. We bursted hard and fast onto the firecracker dawn, That comes when the hot rains stop, or nights get too long. Coming off was a freezing winter's day, Getting off was warm summer's flame. And they all longed to indulge in our sins; "Knowledge is where it all begins." The kids all lost hope went home got stoned; 'Cause they couldn't find an atrocity to call their own. Started reading Burroughs and Kerouac, Everything was "Beat" 'cause the beat was back. Listened to Coletrane and all that jazz. But that wasn't where we were going, Just where we were at. Then we called for the hard stuff, needles and spoons; Mirrors and straws littered our rooms. We were the trash spilled in the night, That went on without end even at light. Father grew angry, Mother was scared, Good children dispised us but we didn't care. We were drunk on excess, reeling in lies; Viewing the world through blood cluttered eyes. The most unbearable pain that I've ever known, Was seeing the light at the top from the floor of this hole. Looking around to find them there with me; Brothers and friends fallen down on their knees. Nowhere was the passion which once fueled the flame, That burned when we set out to become what we became. Junkies are whores in that way or this; Selling their souls for brief lifetimes of bliss. We held on to the illusions of sick love and hate; Which held us together in decadant ways. So come sit and listen wonderous friends, I'll tell you this tale again and again; We may start at the front, but there's not yet an end... J.L.H. [This message has been edited by J.L. Humphres (edited 01-07-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jason L. Humphres - All Rights Reserved | |||
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patchoulipumpkin Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196Bermuda |
Wow. i think this is incredible, sad but very truthful. I especially love the line, "The kids all lost hope went home to get stoned/because they couldn't find an atrocity of their own". I wish i could be more helpful than simply gushing with praise, but i think this is wonderful. Really good. |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Hi everyone, I do apologize for this but I wasn't sure if I had ever posted this before and I went back and there it was. I would really appreciate any feedback on this one. J.L.H. Jason God is a warm whisper from the cool void. Jack Kerouac |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
J.L.H., I agree! I am highly impressed. I thought this was wonderfully crafted and very powerful in your choice of words and the images they generated. It took me a few stanzas into it to catch on to what you were refering to, but that can be a good thing, I think. My absolute favorite part was "become what we became". I also liked "That wasn't where we were going / Just where we were at." Not to mention the "firecracker dawn"!... There are just too many good lines to mention =) One tiny suggestion: would you consider taking out the comma in the first line? The meaning seems clearer without it, IMHO. I may even print this one out and show my family. I will definitely look forward to more! Ashley |
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M'Hal Junior Member
since 2001-01-04
Posts 15 |
JL- you rock! I loved the read. Loved the expression. I relate mucho mucho. M'Hal |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Ashley, Thanks for the compliments. I agree about the comma. I posted this last year after I first started posting here and it didn't generate any response so I bumped it up again. Thanks for taking the time to read. J.L.H. M'Hal, Thank you very much. J.L.H. Jason God is a warm whisper from the cool void. Jack Kerouac |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
My pleasure! Thank you for sharing! |
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