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Triumph over life
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Triumph over life |
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Miss Abagail Mannering Member
since 1999-09-01
Posts 136byron, il |
Triumph over life, by Miss Abagail Mannering Sometimes with life's little twists and turns, we trust in love and then get burned. We give your hearts and share our souls; we open our worlds to fill in the holes. *chorus**** And life's just peachy, if you don't mind the pits. Down the road of life you survive by wits. Sometimes life's hard and ocassionally kind. You can triumph all if you take the time. *********** Now, some judge love by your rank and class, and put great store inthings of your past. While others care only on outward apperance, and consider your goals in life, an interfearance. Most care little for what's inside, and if you 'put out' they say, "Thanks for the ride!" They find their pleasure by inflicting pain. The have no remorse and feel no shame. *chorus* The ones we trust dismiss our faith. The cast aside all feelings of grace. They use what they can then they turn away... and ignore you when you beg them to stay. So, our hearts grow cold and we want to die, but we still hold on to that same old lie. We smile and nod 'cause it's still the same. We think nothin' in life will ever change. *chorus* But triumph will come if we have faith enough. When in our deep pain we find true love. And on that day, look back on the past; think of the fools gone, and have a good laugh! *chorus* ( This song was written April 4th, 1999..for my friend's band...it was inspired by the breakup of my most recent bf..and my favorite saying at the time;"life's just peachy, if you don't mind the pits!") "Some people aren't worth a puddle of ant pee in the middle of a dessert when it's 100 degrees in the shade." -me |
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| © Copyright 2000 Shanna Casinger - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
AbaGail~ This was pretty well done. I hope time has allowed you to move on down the road as another year has come upon us. Keep writing and I hope you find happiness in 2001. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Miss Abagail: I suppose what I am missing here is the music. In a song, you have more control over the pitch and tempo than you typically do in a poem. For that reason, reading this as a poem ... specifically as verse, I found several places where the meter stumbled and, as an inevitable result, caused some of the rhyme to sound awkward. Also, there are times when the rhyme seems forced, causing syntax problems in some of your lines. I don't know what the music sounds like for this song so I can't really comment on it as a song. I think you can justifiably get away with cliche in song lyrics but, in poetry, it tends to become grating. Not meaning to sound like a voyeur, but if this happened to you, then you are one of only two people with first-hand knowledge of the particulars of the break-up. I would suggest that you be more specific. Sorry. Jim |
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Miss Abagail Mannering Member
since 1999-09-01
Posts 136byron, il |
OUCH!!...thank you Jim - quite honestly, i had completely forgotten i had posted this in here... Thanks MArge, I have found happiness in 2001, I am engaged to a wonderful man, and life is good. "Ya have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince... just watch out for all the pond scum!!!" |
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