Critical Analysis #1 |
Insanity Serene |
Hawk183 Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130 |
I ragged bones could lift and praise, if such could make a man, then how would I need thee. But so hot and sweet it last for days, when lips do touch a hand, for a moment to be free. When taste and touch can save a soul, and eyes themselves a light, can words say what's felt. A mind reeling takes its toll, a waking sleep at night, but a heart that burns and still will melt. Could I ever find the words, so easy and hard with letters and type, when the concience must be clean. A kiss so sweet I fly with birds, a taste of apple so red and ripe, enter my mind--Insanity Serene. |
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© Copyright 1999 Ryan Whittington - All Rights Reserved | |||
warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Hawk, I love this! Your choice of words, the format...everything works! Loads of feeling and emotion...great piece. warmhrt |
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Hawk183 Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130 |
Thank you very much Warmhrt....this poem was a lot of fun for me to write...I'm glad it went over well. |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
to me, this was a semi-confusing poem, so i'm going to try to break it down to critique it. here goes. I ragged bones could lift and praise, if such could make a man, then how would I need thee. But so hot and sweet it last for days, when lips do touch a hand, for a moment to be free. I suppose that the first word is "if" and not "i", but otherwise, i think it's a pretty good stanza, a little confusing, but good. When taste and touch can save a soul, and eyes themselves a light, can words say what's felt. A mind reeling takes its toll, a waking sleep at night, but a heart that burns and still will melt. i have to say that i don't understand this stanza at all. i really have no clue. Could I ever find the words, so easy and hard with letters and type, when the concience must be clean. A kiss so sweet I fly with birds, a taste of apple so red and ripe, enter my mind--Insanity Serene. i think that i understand the first three lines, talking about how hard it is to do love justice with words, but the rest is a mystery to me. if you'd like to explain this one to me, i'd be glad to hear it. thanks |
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patchoulipumpkin Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196Bermuda |
Incredible. I loved it. The great paradox. |
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John Foulstone Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 100Australia |
Liked the imagery, and the feelings conveyed. But: "Thee" does sound contrived, just an easy way out of finding a good rhyme. Metric structure of first stanza is good. Iamb/Iamb/Iamb/Iamb Iamb/Iamb/Iamb Iamb/Iamb/Iamb Anapaest/Iamb/Iamb/Iamb Iamb/Iamb/Iamb Anapaest/Iamb/Iamb However, this pattern seems to fall apart at the third line of the second stanza. It's something to consider. |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Hawk, Good use of imagery and meter. Very good read. Especially liked the last stanza. J.L. Humphres |
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