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The Importance of Lethargy
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Importance of Lethargy |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
The humid day compelled him to lie down And contemplate his navel, sweat poured From his pores to make this socket a small pool, The central spot in a hairy forest on a growing hill That was the pride of men like him who tried To drink the heat away with Heineken. The family reached the shores of Salty Lake And mother laid the blanket down while father Began to swim to catch their feast for today. The children played in the shallows but even They found so much to eat that when father Returned, the picnic food had already been laid out; They smiled at one another and thanked Heaven For this plentiful and deliciously kind world. His partner scolded him and that although She liked his pheremone smell, the guests Who would be here in only half an hour Would think that after three days, it should Be time to take a shower. Slowly he raised His body to turn on the water but as the pellets Hit his skin, he felt a tinge of guilt. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Brad - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Hello Brad, I remember this one from the Scroll and that there was a hidden story to it, am I right or am I imagining things. I believe it was something to do with small creatures living on the man and his guilt for washing them away....I can't remember my original comments...not that it should matter so I'll critique it again. "The humid day compelled him to lie down And contemplate his navel, sweat poured From his pores to make this socket a small pool," I like the opening, reminds me of my father  however the "poured/ From his pores" seemed awkward, perhaps consider changing "poured" to something else."The central spot in a hairy forest on a growing hill That was the pride of men like him who tried To drink the heat away with Heineken." I still like these lines describing the belly, once again reminds me of my father. "The family reached the shores of Salty Lake And mother laid the blanket down while father Began to swim to catch their feast for today. The children played in the shallows but even They found so much to eat that when father Returned, the picnic food had already been laid out; They smiled at one another and thanked Heaven For this plentiful and deliciously kind world." If I remember correctly this is where you begin the transition from a man to a "smaller" world. I shouldn't really comment until I know for sure what this section is about but to be honest I found it muddled and confusing. "His partner scolded him and that although" The word "that" seemed unnecessary in this line. "She liked his pheremone smell, the guests Who would be here in only half an hour Would think that after three days, it should Be time to take a shower. Slowly he raised His body to turn on the water but as the pellets Hit his skin, he felt a tinge of guilt." Again I don't know if I should comment without getting the "low down" on the poem but if I remembered correctly and it is about the microbes that inhabit this man then it's a pretty good ending, well actually, even if it's not about what I thought it was, it's still a good ending. Thanks for the read Brad, take care, Trevor |
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idream2dream Junior Member
since 1999-11-30
Posts 15bessemer |
icon is my symbol anyway since you gave me something ;to think about. i wanted to see yours. i must say you make my mind have vivid images of what you are saying. so i take what i just learned and truly think what i write . i only wrote for me but, i see if others read i should explain alittle better. thanks. by the way the how vividly told (your poem) |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
I must confess to being a little dense. This one just went right straight over my head. But, I did read it more than once Hmmm, what does that mean? Usually with something I don't understand, I can't even get all the way through the first time. |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Brad, Even with the hints from Trevor this has been BUGGING me for the last few days. I thought before anyone else explains it and spoils the fun I would at least stick my neck out and suggest that the first stanza deals with the "man-sized" world. Straightforward beer gut male sweating it out in a repulsive fashion on some patio/deck or whatever. Second stanza down to the microbe level ... Mr and Mrs Bug plus kid bugs trekking over Mr Beer Gut's belly to the edge of his hairy navel filled with sweat (Salty Lake). Such is the disgusting state of his toilette that the "food" is plentiful ... heh heh. The last stanza I guess is back to man-size again, with the twist that maybe ole Mr Beer Gut is aware that he's murdering Mr and Mrs Bug plus kids .. clever Phil(ip) |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Brad: Hah! I got it! It took Trevor's hint and three reads but I got it! Okay, let me calm down for a sec ...  I am assuming that the second stanza is the substance of the "contemplation" in line two of the first stanza and the reason for the "tinge of guilt" in the last line of the poem. At first I thought that this was a Seinfeld-esk poem about nothing but, know you, I should have known better. Actually, one of the most enjoyable elements to this poem is the "hidden story" as Trevor calls it. I think it is one of those things that are "hidden right in front of your face." As I read through it again, you provide plenty of hints. "... sweat poured from his pores to make this socket a small pool ...", "The central spot in a hairy forest on a growing hill", and then, the most subtle naming of "... Salty Lake." I knew from the first, befuddled reading that there was no such place (at least no such place to non-microbes). The "three days" without a shower would account for the plentiful food in Salty Lake (Those of you who missed it, are you getting it now?). I can't say that any part of your poem failed to read smoothly. I am sure that Heineken won't be breaking down your door to have you illustrate their public image. I thought for a second that maybe you ought to change the name of the beer to Budweiser (something less ... well ... imported -- of course you are in Korea where all domestic beer is imported ... damn ... getting confused ) but decided against it because only a Heiny drinker would feel a tinge of guilt over washing a family of mini-bugs down a drain. The Bud men will kill anything that has a season.Anyway, I am sorry I put off reading this for so long. It was actually very enjoyable. Thanks. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Curse you, Philip, for replying while I was writing my own reply ... curses, curses, curses! |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
brad- would you like to laugh at my ignorance here? the first tiem i read this poem, i thought that the man was sitting down on the beach with his family, totally oblivious and complacent, when his wife tells him to shower. of course i realized that was way off when i remembered the title, because that scenario really doesn't show the importance of it, but rather the shame of it after reading where other, more intelligent people grasped the comparision of the two worlds, i assume that the importance of lethargy is that lower levels can survive. that is the tinge of guilt. the man has sustained this family for three days now, but to please his partner, he kills them. i'm not getting it, am i? anyways- this is a thought-provoking read. good job. |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
You are getting it Roxane, and moreover you made the point that the rest of us didn't, which is that the title is a neat little clue and also the "wrapping" to the whole poem. Jim (heh heh) I had a kinda premonition I was in a race, another 4 mins and you would've beaten me .Philip |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
You only beat me because I proof-read, Philip! Curse me for being anal! BRAD: Sorry to use your post as a medium for my discourse with Philip (actually, I am not sorry, just being polite). Just so I won't be considered rude (ruder?), I will comment once more on the poem. Roxanne is right about the clue you gave us in the title. I had not considered before she pointed it out that the title had as much meaning as the "hidden story". Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Brad We are waiting in breathless anticipation for you to reveal all (well I am anyway) ..Where are you ? lol Phil |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Thanks to all who replied (of course). I really enjoyed what kind of seems to be a 'working out' of this, a sort of seeing how it all fits together. That's exactly what I wanted from this poem. Don't have anything else to add because everybody seems to have already figured it out. Trevor, Your comments here, from what I remember, were very similar to what you said before. Your nothing if not consistent. Jim, feel free to use by poem as a debating point or a conversation starter. I think that's at least one value of good poetry. Is everybody having fun? Brad |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
Good poetry, I like your style. |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Brad Well I was having fun till you posted without explicitly explaining the piece ... lol I s'pose we can assume that we were absolutely spot on with our interpretations and there's no more to say? It was way too obvious then (heh heh) !!Philip |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Hey, what can I say that hasn't been said other than I'm back No, I actually want to say that I love the visual imagery you used, it's great. I think it flows well although I would omit the "that" that Trevor suggested, but...you knew there had to be a but, right? Your idea is great and when it's laid out to us, like food on a banquet table, by Trevor and we all read it over again after reading his comments, we can finally grasp the hidden meaning and oh, I do love hidden meanings in a poem...but I wonder had we not been force feed it, would anyone of us had caught it or would we all have sat here dumbfounded? It flows, the imagery is great, but I think it's a just bit too obscure in its meaning. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Ruth, glad to have you back!!!!! You have a point about obscurity. On a different poem similar in its 'hidden' meaning thingey, someone asked if it was appropriate for this type of format: a poetic message board doesn't lend itself to the type of rereading such a poem necessarily demands. My thinking is, well, I'll just post it and see what happens. If people don't 'get it' I'll explain my thinking although my hope is that someone will just put a little extra work and that extra work can lead to more satisfaction in reading a poem. Again, one of my goals in writing is to change people's viewpoints, not just show them what they already know. Not that I really know what I'm doing of course, Brad |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Brad & Ruth There's only one way to settle this and that's for you to post another "puzzle poem" Brad and this time for trigger happy Trevor to keep his fingers away from the keyboard long enough to see how many people get close to figuring it out (kidding Trevor). Personally I really enjoy finding hidden messages/meanings and from Jim's reaction above I reckon it gave him a thrill as well ... thanks Brad .......... Now another please Philip |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I just wanted to add that a 'puzzle' poem is coming as soon as I get done with those damn sonnets. |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
brad i hope you don't mind me bringing this up again for some of the new guys to see ..i enjoyed it when you first posted ... also see to recall you were gonna do another in a similar vein ..... oh yes i remember now ..that damned sonnet challenge thing intervened and wore us all out ..... this is still a fun poem..... p ooops now too late i see you've just posted a new one .... sorry bout that [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 06-18-2000).] |
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