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Knobby Knees
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Knobby Knees |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Knobby knees below a cotton white skirt, The woman bent them looking in a mirror, A dirty one, the kind you see in trains Or in their stations. Her legs were thin, Sinewy, muscular but not athletic, Not like she went to gyms or went fly fishing. No, nothing like that. Angled sandals open To see the neatly manicured, the clear Display of nails in nylon - signs of class? Perhaps. Perhaps a way to make a few Concede her status, give her power, take Her freedom, build her home, and buy a dog. High heeled clicking sounds and open doors, She ran no faster than if she had walked. Still, her knees had made it to the train And had me waiting for the next one. |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
brad .. just quickly before i retire for the night !! .. the ending made this for me ..lol.. couldn't really see where you were headed at all so it came as quite an amusing little surprise .. and btw.. what the heck is it with you and legs ?! which reminds me you still owe me that pic of your lower half in a kilt ...   .....later philip |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Brad: Now I know why you've been missing those appointments. I am rather surprised that knobby knees evoked this many words from your pen.I suppose the only lines that seemed a little out of place to me (and, granted, they might not be out of place for you) were the lines "Perhaps a way to make a few / Concede her status, give her power, take / Her freedom, build her home, and buy a dog." A bit contemplative for someone who is staring at her legs. I did like "give her power ... take her freedom". An enjoyable read, Brad. Jim |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
hi brad! bit of a difficult piece for me. have read many times, and think i now understand enough to go shooting off my mouth. ahem... i agree with jim, a little. although im with you on the "Concede her status, give her power," i dont get the other parts, especailly the part about the dog. it doesnt matter how many times or how slowly i read, im always going, Huh? what i noticed is a certain tiny pattern, consisting of an opening line such as "knobby knees" where the subject is preceeded by one modifier and the basic chain of that thought ends --im making a horrible mess of trying to explain this, anyway, i was thinking you could divide into stanzas based on that pattern and you would get this: Knobby knees below a cotton white skirt, The woman bent them looking in a mirror, A dirty one, the kind you see in trains Or in their stations. Her legs were thin, Sinewy, muscular but not athletic, Not like she went to gyms or went fly fishing. No, nothing like that. Angled sandals open To see the neatly manicured, the clear Display of nails in nylon - signs of class? Perhaps. Perhaps a way to make a few Concede her status, give her power, take Her freedom, build her home, and buy a dog. High heeled clicking sounds and open doors, She ran no faster than if she had walked. Still, her knees had made it to the train And had me waiting for the next one. of course, i might still want to nix the house and dog stuff. a tiny note on punctuation, i miht put a period at the end of the second line, and a comma at the third. its more to the rythm which i read the poem. thanx for the think, luv Elyse Do I contradict myself? Very well then . . . . I contradict myself; I am large . . . . I contain multitudes. -Papa Walt |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Jim, You know I've done this twice. I get so caught up in examining women on the subway that I lose track of time. I think it was John Berryman (I'm not sure I can't find the poem right now) that wrote a poem that focused on a woman's ankle on the train and let his associational thought just eplode before the reader. That poem, without the title and an ambious author has stayed with me over the years. Obviously, I want to match that explosion at some point(Yes, I'm not finished with this theme yet). Elyse, Thanks for the comment. I'm not sure what's so difficult about this piece -- except maybe the fly fishing and the dog part. Without going into too much detail on why I put these too images here let me just give you two related images: 1. In Japan, women often wear high heels and mini-skirts when they go mountain hiking. I find this absolutely hilarious (but not too much there have been a recent rash of serious accidents related to the wearing of these heels). Not that I'm advocating flats all the time. I'm far too superficial for that. 2. I was in the supermarket with my wife the other days and saw not one but two middle aged women carrying small dogs around the market -- no leash, no cage, just carrying them around like a purse. It's this kind of thing that I was trying to express with the dog line (Yes, I'll probably come back to this specific image in another poem -- call it variations on the same theme). Elyse, I disagree with the punctuation in line two. I want the double play on dirty women and dirty mirrors. Philip, Perhaps there is a connection between my problem with 'l''s and my fascination with women's legs. I don't see anything wrong with a solid fascination with the human body. You know, Junichiro Tanizaki (Japanese author) is well know for his foot fetish scenes). Overall, this is just a play with objectification and judgement. Positive or negative, people are still taking your time when you spend time judging them. Brad |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Brad, Fascinating how you convert a simple observation of "knobby knees" into an interesting poem and speculate about the whole persona of the woman who owns them. I also really enjoyed the last line. Did it give away a little of your own persona? I think maybe yes. Pete |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
brad-- an interesting piece. i like how you varied the rhythm throughout the poem, with sections of irregular free verse bracketing unrhymed iambic pentameter (blank verse) in line 8 through 12 in the more contemplative portion of the poem; this was a nice touch. the rythym of "cotton white skirt" kind of bothers me, although this is probably just me; i just think things get a little bunched up at the end of that line. something like "knobby knees below a cotton miniskirt" might sound better in my opinion, with an extra unstressed syllable in there, or just "knobby knees below a cotton skirt" if you don't mind the line having a shorter feel. i see i'm turning your line into trochees; if you didn't want that, you might consider "knobby knees below a white cotton skirt". i don't know, just something to think about i guess, lol. interesting take you have on men "giv[ing] her power"...is this kind of "power" given or naturally possessed? i guess it helps you guys to think you're in control, but you missed that train, didn't you? anyway, i really enojyed this, brad, thanks for sharing it with us. jenni [This message has been edited by jenni (edited 06-12-2000).] |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Brad being somewhat older I followed this pretty easily or possibly I`m loosing my mind. Beauty is a transitory characteristic and much harder for a woman to succumb to the inevitable ravages of time than men. Though they can work miracles with packaging. But inevitably I`ll see an 80 year old beaty and I always wonder whats her secret. The other points I think I understood was the fact that many women are dependent on their desirability to obtain life`s basic needs ie. food, clothing ,shelter, a descent pair of panty hose and maybe a little dog to love. sorry I`m rambling forrest |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Thanks to all who replied. Jenni, nice to know some of my hard work does not go unnoticed. FC Yeah, I've always been attracted to older women. Does that even connect with what you said? I'm not sure. See ya later, Brad |
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eldridgejackson Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91 |
After reading this poem I went cruising the nursing homes to see if I could get lucky. I am going to write a Poem called how to eat a prune. I know I am rambling but it is genetic. All in all I can appreciate getting lost in ones observations. "She ran no faster than if she had walked" That reminds me of someone giving the impression of trying to hurry but really not doing so. EJ |
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eldridgejackson Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91 |
After reading this poem I went cruising the nursing homes to see if I could get lucky. I am going to write a Poem called how to eat a prune. I know I am rambling but it is genetic. All in all I can appreciate getting lost in ones observations. "She ran no faster than if she had walked" That reminds me of someone giving the impression of trying to hurry but really not doing so. EJ |
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