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Marian's Lace
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Marian's Lace |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
i know what it means when i see it there tied across your pale wrist a shock of delicate purple lace it's at present out of place your make up is smeared and i know something is wrong with you again you've relapsed back to sadness my dear fellow convert to madness together i think we'll paint these years in a saddening hue of dillusion even though we don't speak something between us; unique for so long you went without the it even wore your hair up in bows you didn't hide your unbruised face no need to wear the shameful lace now i see that once again the time has come to conceal something quite awful with a bit of pretty but i don't think you're ready marian where is there enough of your lace to cover your bruised knuckles and such tie round as tight as you need so long you're sure the wound won't bleed i'll keep myself in long sleeves and quickly turn to my books when bothered we are two to whom depression itself lends tell me how we're not best friends ------------------ "Come night, come darkness, for you cannot come too soon or stay too long in such a place as this." Charles Dickens roxane |
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| © Copyright 1999 roxane - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Roxane, I haven't forgot about our little project. I hope you haven't. Just been very busy with other things right now. I like the rhyme scheme in this poem and this is a poem about 'that subject' that has a hint of conflict, a seething below the surface if you will. I enjoyed it very much. don't suppose you might put a little punctuation in there to make it easier to read. Thanks, Brad |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I think this one deserves more attention than received so far. This is one of your most powerful poems, Roxanne. And I'm not just being nice. Come on, guys. Take a look at this one. |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
thank you brad. your kindness was very comforting. it seems that i'm only getting the same people posting on my poems twice (i.e. something i wrote in open poetry 4 that hoot reviewed twice). i have to say that i am content with your praise though, as i hold it in high regard. i guess that i am again committing that great faux paus of posting on my own poem, but i wanted to thank you. |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Roxane, I can't give a technical analysis of the poem (like Brad can) I'm not sufficiently knowledgeable yet. So I'm afraid I just have to concentrate on impressions and meaning. All I can say is that I looked at the piece a few days ago and found the images both disturbing and mysterious. I have read quite a few of your poems now and I always find that I think I understand them and then something seems to conflict with or obscure the meaning I thought I had! It's like I'm always on the verge of understanding but never quite getting there. That was the case with this poem. The images were very powerful and disturbing, with the dominant one being the almost obscene contrast between the pretty delicate lace and the "something awful". Trying to understand what the problem was with Marian and indeed the writer was/is driving me crazy. In fact when I read the opening lines for the first time I jumped to the conclusion that the "delicate purple lace" was in fact a metaphor for a bruise, or scar or razor cut. Then the references to bruising of fact and knuckles made me think of being beaten by a third person, and finally I settled for suicidal tendencies resulting in hurting herself and maybe wrist cutting, with the speaker wearing long sleeves to cover the pricks of a needle. (By now you are probably rolling around laughing at my stupidity .. lol). A few other points. Brad mentioned somewhere that he thinks too many painting and canvas metaphors are used in contemporary poetry, but I actually thought that the lines "together we'll paint these years in a saddening hue of disillusion" were excellent. I know from your posting elsewhere that you don't use punctuation sometimes, and tho I sometimes have problems with this I have to say that this poem really did seem to punctuate itself. The lack of punctuation didn't bother me at all because the places to pause just seemed so natural. What stood out however was the use of the semi-colon before the word unique - it had the effect of really highlighting the word unique itself which then got me starting to think about why you used that word? Also in the next line the phrase "the it" caught my attention. Is the word "the" deliberate and if it is then it again points at the "it" being some kind of addiction? Later on I thought that the reference to "shameful" lace contrasted effectively with "bit of pretty" a few lines later – the inanimate lace itself is not shameful but what it hides is. Also "bruised knuckles and such". Again the "and such" grabbed me. What is meant by that phrase? I wondered whether what you were trying to convey was the futility of trying to cover a deep hurt with lace. In other words Marian might be able to cover the outward scars but the real damage (the "and such") is to the mind, and no amount of lace can cover that? It is a powerful poem Roxane, and if you are inexperienced at critiques as I am, you feel a bit impertinent even commenting on something like this. It opens a lot of questions for me though and if you have time to explain that would be great  . Philip |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
although i hate giving away the meaning of a poem when it inspires thought, i truly must for all the effort you've put forth. perhaps the story of "marian" will speak for itself. this is about a girl whom i met a couple years ago. we were both incredibly sad, and suicidal. she used to wear this lace around her wrist. maybe she didn't do it to cover up scars, maybe she did, but i associated it with the depression that we went through. i felt that i had with her a true connection as i could share my despair with her, and she understood. it seems that patience so often wears thin wiht people when they are happy and you are not, but she endured me, and i endured her. however, we had a fall out and didn't speak for some time. then, i was looking through some old pictures, and i saw hers. i decided to write her a letter, apologizing for all that had gone wrong. well, we became friends again and things were good. then she told me that she didn't have time to spend with me because she felt it necessary to spend all her time wiht her boyfriend as he had "kissed her hurt away". needless to say, i was quite hurt, but i tried to keep the friendship going. only, there was more that was changed about marian: she no longer liked all the things that she used to, she didn't act the same, she didn't wear anything she used to, including the lace, it was awful. finally i told her that i would go on being sad, and that she should go on being what she was, but that we should not be friends. she wrote me a scathing reply that said in so many words that i would die alone, a pathetic waste of space. after that, i decided to never to speak to her, even though she made a pitiful attempt at apology. we've ignored each other altogether, depsite having to be around each other quite a bit. then, the day that i wrote this, i saw her almost crying to my friend about how her beloved boyfriend had cheated on her. ironically, i had warned her a hundred times not to make one person her whole world, but she didn't heed. she had proclaimed over and over how she wasn't sad anymore, how her depression was utterly gone, and how she wanted to be like all the "pretty people now". i watched her so upset and noticed this bright purple lace tied around her wrist. i'll never know why, but it did inspire me to write this. if you have any further questions, i guess that i'll have to answer them straight out, but i hope not. thank you for the interest though. |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Roxane, I am grateful - and no, no more questions ......... for now !! But I hope you're not going to ration me - I won't be able to resist asking about your next posting - I truly look forward to it Thanks Philip |
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Littlewings Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 62 |
you know i love this. it is seriously about the best poem i have ever read.i cant touch it and i cant even begin to touch your skill. this is supremely moving.I know marian and its like you painted her portrait in words. @-->--> |
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