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Critical Analysis #1
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Scene's From a Park
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Scene's From a Park |
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LRAW Junior Member
since 1999-11-06
Posts 15 |
Scenes From A Park Living out realities in between the sequences of our lives You don't understand the madness running through my mind Submerging me in this shallow hell of life I focus only on the darkness of the night While the graves of fallen men Begin to crack with shame Leaving only crying children there to blame A woman in the distance Leaves some food for the birds She's so unsuspecting Not even glancing around I call her name But she's too far to hear my words I need to see her So I get up off the ground And I follow her down the path that she has walked But she sees me and runs Before we could even talk Flowing downward On the road of despair My head spins around But nobody cares Life seems to be egging me on But where does one go If he's afraid of the sun There's no where to go But I cannot stay here Where the people laugh and smile all day A little child sits next to me She counts the fingers on her hand She seems so sweet and so happy But her thoughts are nothing like a man's She doesn't see the horror I see And she doesn't feel the pain in me No one cares about anything I do This world is so different Than the one I knew My heart has be torn in so many pieces I can't even begin to describe The torture and anguish I feel inside |
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| © Copyright 1999 LRAW - All Rights Reserved | |||
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
i can completely relate to this poem, so maybe i am biased to critique it, but i'll try. i love the sketches of the people around, but why not relate them more to yourself, as you are the one who experiences the pain, while they are oblivious?? why don't they feel what you feel? what do they feel? i know that you've touched on it, but go deeper.. i think that this is pretty much an excellent poem. i hope however, that your situation is not as dire as the narrator's. good luck with it |
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LenMcC1 Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 68 |
I disagree with the last reply, I don't think your purpose was to make the other people feel your pain. You were trying to show how you are so miserable and everyone else in indifferent to your thoughts and feelings. Excellent work, LRAW. |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
i didn't suppose that this poem was about making others feel his pain, but i did suppose in writing it that LRAW wanted to convey his feelings and relate them to those of the "indifferent" people around him. i really thought that it was an excellent poem and i hope that this misunderstanding will not divert attention from that fact. |
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LenMcC1 Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 68 |
Exactly |
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