Midnight Waltz (REVISED - please disregard the one below)

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Critical Analysis #1

Midnight Waltz (REVISED - please disregard the one below)

Red Letter
Member

since 1999-05-24

Posts 85
Allentown, PA

0 posted 1999-07-20 12:29 PM

Midnight Waltz

Thick night
weaves it's gloves blind
around my face -
Somewhere,
I welcome it's echo
calling to me like the enchantment of lovers
in screams repressed
to my own awareness

The moon entreats
"Reveal yourself!"
Yet in fear's eclipse, I hide
the hollows crying from between my bones
Emptiness shudders
Restlessness, my partner,
tripping over time

Where is equanimity's hand
that I may waltz steady into dreams,
where heroes wait,
where my own cape is alive and full of magic
that we may stride in dance upon this moonbeam?

I curse the gravity
mating with my feet
The stars slip in their haste
as night rises within me
a thousand fireflies bound
despite my own infinity...

*****
by the way, I apologize for posting on both the Open Poetry forum and the Critical Analysis - I had intended to post this here only but wasn't thinking... sorry...

Alain DeLaCendres
Member

since 1999-07-02

Posts 119
Ohio

1 posted 1999-07-20 01:22 AM

Wow, no wonder you had such good suggestions for me. This is great..There isn't much I can criticize...only one thing caught my eye.

"Where is equanimity's hand
that I may waltz steady into dreams,
where heroes wait,..."

Ok, at the end of the line "that I waltz steady into dreams" I thought the comma kind of made it a little choppy...I seperated the lines where I didn't think it was needed...let me know if I just missed something or what. Thanks again Red Letter. I enjoyed your poem.

------------------
Tout s'en va, tout passe, l'eau coule, et le couer oublie.

Daniel2
Junior Member

since 1999-07-13

Posts 28
Waterloo, Ontario, Canada

2 posted 1999-07-24 11:25 AM

I get it! You want to dance and you've got a lousy partner. There's a charm and a poignancy here that I find appealing, a longing in the poem. You seem to be wrestling with dangerous forces and you just want to be light and dance on a moonbeam. Nice work.
We may not be identicals, separated at birth but perhaps we are at least of the same race.

JP
Senior Member

since 1999-05-25

Posts 1343
Loomis, CA

3 posted 1999-07-25 05:23 PM

So wanting to soar
only to be grounded
by beggar, thief, and whore.

You with spirit so fierce
which out shines fire itself
but open heart, so easy to pierce.

Your passion gives way
to sorrow and sadness
don't fret, you'll have your day.

Fabulous work, I've read it in every incarnation and am still and always in awe of your beauty, grace, wit, and talent.

Nil desperandum
JP

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