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Nostalgia
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Nostalgia |
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Alain DeLaCendres Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 119Ohio |
*note: this is a tad long, forgive me. I like this one, but I think it could be better..Please rip this apart for me. Thank you. [i]"Nostalgia[/i] I ache for the past that I have left behind. But it’s funny because back then I was blind to anything that didn’t support the illusion that it would always last. I long to touch the “certainty” that past time provided, but without all the weights that were placed upon my heart. I reach into my mind and draw forth the sphere that used to hold my heart, But now it holds my fear. The outer covering is harsh and wiry, like wool. I feel my weak fingers firmly slide beneath the harsh outside and strip it away. What is left is what I wanted, for it is soft and gentle, like a solid ball of silk. I allow my heart to come out of it’s hiding and gingerly feel the warm sphere And for one brief moment, I know no fear. I lose myself to the nostalgia and the silky warmth within that glowing sphere that once held my heart. I can’t steer myself through the light, so I simply let it take me away without a fight. As I free fall through these halls I realize why I never saw the things that were wrong with paradise. I never looked up to see the oppressive and harsh wiry cover because the warm glowing silk was all I wanted to feel, And once I looked deep enough into it, I never wanted to quit. The “certainty” it seemed to provide was my only dream. But now I can see it in all it’s entirety. Still I hold the warm sphere of solid silk to my chest so my heart can feel what’s left of the warmth. I look into myself to find that I’m laughing at myself, And for good reason. I can’t live in the past if I want to live on. So I take in the inner sphere of warm, soft solid silk on last time, And I give it all my fears of love- (because it caused them anyway). My heart caresses the warmth one last time and we are ready to leave it behind. I hold the glowing ball in front of me and find it ironic how unreluctantly I can do this. My fingers now slip from the silky surface one by one, Until finally the last one loses contact, and the sphere containing all my fear Falls to the cold ground and shatters. ------------------ Tout s'en va, tout passe, l'eau coule, et le couer oublie. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Alain DeLaCendres - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
I like it, content-wise that is. The form is a bit choppy and abrupt. The only thing I would change (since you are seeking suggestions), is a rework of the form, combine some lines, drop a few extranious words... Let me try an example of the first lines so you will know what I am babbling about: I ache for the past, that I have left behind. It’s funny, because back then, I was blind to anything, that did not support the illusion that it would always last. Just a suggestion. The message you convey is deeply touching and solid, I just had a difficult time getting to it... Great work overall though! ex animo JP |
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