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Do You Remember Me?
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Do You Remember Me? |
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redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN 
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Do you remember me or wonder where I am in your memory do you touch my hand pass me on the street without a second glance walk right out of my life and never look back do you remember me when I was just a child rock me gently perchance to dream awhile you were there and i was there and one day you were gone won't you tell me daddy did i do something wrong? If you remember me after all these years would you hold me tight and wipe away the tears would you even know me if i walked right in would you turn to me and say how long has it been do you remember me.... |
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| © Copyright 1999 redwriter1 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
The thought and emotion behind this poem really grabs me deep. It would strike deep chords with any son/daughter or father in this situation (and there are millions). I would really love to see you work on it. Since it is a rhyme, the sentences should be about the same length, syllable wise. In the second stanza, for example, for the four lines, the counts are 7-4-6-5. This prohibits a good flow to the poem. The rhymes could be better: am-hand glance-back child-awhile I am not attempting to criticize. As I said, I REALLY admire this piece. Allow it to live up to its potential. |
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redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN |
Thank you for the kind response. I was very happy to know that it makes a connection of some kind. I will post something else if you think it would warrant response. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Definitely. Your talent is obvious. Go for it. |
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