Contentment of a Child - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Critical Analysis #1

Contentment of a Child

princezz
New Member

since 1999-07-12

Posts 8
Brighton, MI, USA

0 posted 1999-10-11 06:57 PM

Sparkling in the sunshine, she dances on her toes; Her hair in perfect pigtails tied with bright red bows.

Playing in the grass, dashing through the rain; Her spirit is so free it feels no type of pain.

Swinging from a tree branch alone is where she dwells; Absorbing God's great gifts, smelling the sweet smells.

A child equipped with angel wings, cherishing the beauties of spring; Free from heartach she plays her game, Ryann was this child's name.

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 1999-10-16 11:44 PM

I was a little irritated by the style of this poem; the internal rhyme seems a bit simplistic. Nevertheless, you have that tantalizing last line that just begs for more. It's like your building up a certain innocence and then have it come crashing down by some tragedy. But then you don't give us the tragedy, just the name. There is something to be said for leaving the reader wanting more, but here you don't even give us a taste.

This is like the beginning of as yet unfinished poem,

Just an opinion,
Brad

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.