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Critical Analysis #1

interior decorating

roxane
Senior Member

since 1999-09-02

Posts 505
us

0 posted 1999-10-13 10:50 PM

my mother decorates the insides of houses
and sometimes makes a fair living
at ornamenting people's homes
with flea market knick knacks
she paints welcome mats and benches
glues beads to lampshades
and when i come home from work often
i catch a glimpse of her finishing a project
in the early morning hours
so she painted my room and my dresser
she picked out my sheets and shelves
hell, on christmas morning
we were moving furniture together
and wearing dirty old paint clothes
but you see in all this time
i would sit atop some ladder
watching her diligently stencil something
and i would want to lean far enough
just far enough to fall and break everything
because in all her interior decorating
she forgot to decorate
the interior of me

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"Come night, come darkness, for you cannot come too soon or stay too long in such a place as this." Charles Dickens

roxane

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 1999-10-16 11:37 PM

First, I have to say this poem works for me. You have a. for me, new metaphor that you develop very well and concrete images that draw me in. This, combined with a powerful last line brings everything together (maybe use some punctuation though).

So, what's my gripe? I suppose it's just more a suggestion for your next poem but what about trying to add some more complexity into the mix, a measure of self doubt on the part of the speaker. This poem reads like the decisions and observations are clear and objectively so. I would like it if you worked on creating the tension between love for one's mother and this feeling of dissatisfaction at the same time. Or, still another idea would have the speaker be the mother and have her discover the mistake she made.

Just some ideas,
Brad

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