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Critical Analysis #1
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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Changes (?) |
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Angel Senior Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 551Pennsylvania 
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As the leaves darken, and it's getting cold I recall my youth exciting and bold. As the leaves dry out and begin to fall My youth, from so long ago, begins to call About how I've changed, I begin to think And my heart gets sad, and begins to sink I have changed so much, more than you can know, But as I grow, it's beginning to show. My heart's loved many times, but also lost, I would bring back those times at any cost. My mind is smarter, and I've gotten wise, Although much of my life was filled with lies They tumble to the ground, but then come back Showing the same strength that once I did lack They threw me to the ground, I wasn't strong, I remained down on the ground, far too long. But never again, I have changed my mind, A love inside, for myself, I did find. I found a friend, special love of my life. A few simple leaves, my inspiration, Of this, my summer to fall observation. ------------------ People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy. -Bob Hope |
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| © Copyright 1999 Susan Acacio - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Well, I think you've let the rhyme scheme control your poem instead of the other way around. As I've said with several other poems, I feel like you're talking around what you want to say. Don't tell us that you've changed. Don't tell us that you've had loves. Show us these things. Show why they are unique and why you care about them. You've got an interesting shift in having the Autumn leaves remind you of your youth instead of the usual death but it seems you're merely content in abstract philosophy rather than trying to get the reader to feel what you feel. I would drop the rhyme scheme and show the reader in very clear terms what your past is, what specific image caused you to reflect on that past, and how you indeed have changed. Just an opinion, Brad |
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Angel Senior Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 551Pennsylvania |
Thanks for the advice! I'm working on an edited version right now! Thanks again ------------------ People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy. -Bob Hope |
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