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Critical Analysis #1

Continuum

strbbux
Member Elite

since 2001-12-19

Posts 3859

0 posted 2001-12-31 04:37 PM

Continuum

As the sun rise glows golden,
And stars have surrendered to defeat,
Saphire skies go into hiding,
Dark sky and stars are obsolete.
As warmth of daylight begins,
Sleep now falls on darkened skies,
Awakening me to a new tomorrow,
As I open up my eyes.

Floria
© 2001

amusemi
Senior Member

since 2001-12-08

Posts 1262
A State of Disarray

1 posted 2002-01-01 03:57 PM

Makes me want to stretcb my arms to the heavens and grimace! I like this very much, good rhythm and complete thought.

strbbux
Member Elite

since 2001-12-19

Posts 3859

2 posted 2002-01-02 09:51 AM

Thank you amusemi I always like to hear your comments. floria

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

3 posted 2002-01-02 01:25 PM

I get a good feeling from this. It has fresh and nice imagery. I particularly liked the line, "Saphire skies go into hiding." I might consider working on the meter just a little. It seems to me to be begging for a little more consistency although I have to say that it doesn't really bother me as it is.

Thanks,
Pete

strbbux
Member Elite

since 2001-12-19

Posts 3859

4 posted 2002-01-02 02:09 PM

Thanks pete, I love your input and will see what I could do..Hmmm what is meter? LOL just kidding, I am a fairly new poet, and from time to time I have to look up a word that someone throws at me like Iambic..that really floored me,,,thanks for the input. floria

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