Permanent Address (repost from Dark 3 for critique)

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Critical Analysis #1

Permanent Address (repost from Dark 3 for critique)

Ian Llewellyn ap-Griffith
Member

since 2000-02-12

Posts 197
Cincinnati, Oh, U.S.A.

0 posted 2001-12-27 03:24 AM

Permanent Address
For Kelley

I’ve listened at this door for years,
For so long only passing interest in what there is within,
Just one of many along the tired street.
Some of the others have been opened to me
And I’ve lodged within for a time,
But always there was rent due that I could not pay
Or the room was ill furnished.

But this door has, of late, intrigued me:
So tightly shut
With only a small frosted window.
I can see there are shapes within
And sometimes I hear the sounds of laughter
But only the echoes of words.

Not long ago I began to see
How finely this door was crafted.
The carpenter cared for this one.
No joins are apparent,
The hinges well hidden
And only the finest leaded panes.
The finish has been applied lovingly in coat after coat
So that this door seems to be ten miles thick,
So far away is my reflection.

Beyond this door must be a fire on the hearth,
Warmth for the one who resides there.
Beyond this door must be a lamp,
A light by which to read and write.
Beyond this door must be a home
But I am once again a vagabond.
This is not the door to my home
But I will keep on knocking.

Sing while you may
-The Prophet Qa'sepel

Your pain is for you alone, As it is, As it was, As it will be forever, Amen
-The Prophet Qa'sepel

strbbux
Member Elite

since 2001-12-19

Posts 3859

1 posted 2001-12-27 08:52 AM

I was so intrigued by this poem. A very interesting read. It held my attention to the end, and I love it. floria

lizzyluv
Junior Member

since 2001-12-27

Posts 46
nh, usa. we suck.

2 posted 2001-12-27 09:30 PM

that was fascinating. i'm interested in your style. your words flow nicely and you held together well throughout. i really liked it.

"everyone is broken by something they love and worship"
*lizzy*

Ian Llewellyn ap-Griffith
Member

since 2000-02-12

Posts 197
Cincinnati, Oh, U.S.A.

3 posted 2002-01-06 01:15 AM

Thank you both for your responses. Wow! You wouldn't change anything? Really?! That is very high praise in a critical forum. I thank you again.
I must say that I really like this one. It is one of my new favorites (and Kelley really likes it too!).

Maybe I will submit this one for publication one day.
Ian

Your pain is for you alone, As it is, As it was, As it will be forever, Amen
-The Prophet Qa'sepel

The noblest battles are always fought in vai

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.