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Critical Analysis #1
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Ok Brad....(what am I thinking of...*g*)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Ok Brad....(what am I thinking of...*g*) |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom 
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The shadows cast by dawn across the fields nearby such magic early in the morn a splendour I can't deny The quiet and the peace as this new day begins sheep with downy fleece blackbirds start to sing I love this early time when gentle thoughts cause minds to rhyme so many lessons taught Each blade of grass quivers in the wind raindrops shining like glass leaves floating undisciplined Even in these short few seconds the day has turned to light sleep my friends does beckon dreamily I go in search of my knight.... ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. [This message has been edited by RainbowGirl (edited 09-30-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Cindy Jones - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JTF Member
since 1999-08-09
Posts 319France |
Well I don't qualify for posting in this forum as I don't know anything about poetry technique ... but like wine one can say how much they appreciate without being a connoisseur. So RG I'll say that your poem is full-bodied, mouth-filling, firm, nice legs, a floral bouquet, and it leaves a soft and lingering aftertaste .... Oooops, I mixed up with wine ... ok, it's beautiful ...  |
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Iloveit Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 1121NM |
well, I love this. This poem describes something that is totally foreign to me, being up to see the dawn and its beauty, and then going back to sleep. Me once I am up (before the dawn) I can't go back to sleep unless I am so tired I am like the walking dead lol. So for you to make me see your world, and wish I could pull the covers up and close my eyes for just a few more minutes afte seeing the beauty you describe is wonderful, its a glimps into another world |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Well, I got you over here but I have to tell you I like this one. The style works very well, calm and beautiful to reflect your theme. I don't like the repetition of 'light ' in the last stanza but I think you could fix that easily enough (you know, I have this problem: every time I write 'enough', I write 'enought'. I have no idea why. )If you're going to rhyme, I would have a stronger meter here. You base line would be your first line: 'The shadows cast by dawn' iambic trimeter But, all in all, I enjoyed this. Maybe on the next one I can give you a good and honest negative critique.  Brad |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Brad: Wow and there was me with ambulance on standby..*g* Thank you, you're very kind and I agree about the duplication of light, but didn't like to edit at the time...so I'll make a slight adjusment.. HUGS ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. |
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JTF Member
since 1999-08-09
Posts 319France |
nice adjustment |
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rachana.s Member
since 1999-09-16
Posts 55madras,tamil nadu,India |
rainbow girl, jtf said it all, it is really good, sleepy bones rachi |
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