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Incantation
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Incantation |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
They're falling from the sky now Down, down, down Ancient many-feathered things Wings glinting in the light. They're creeping through the streets now Silently and stealthily Clothed in shadow darkness No imprints in the ground. They're going to find you out now Slowly, slowly Unraveling the layers You hide yourself beneath. Speak in elven tongue now Beautifully, beautifully Call names that they belong to Free their faces from your masks. Feel heat from the burning now Falling into rhythm now Feet moving in time now Round and round and round. Welcome them to your table now With love, with love Greet them as your kinsmen And your allies will they be. |
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The Exile Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 52Ontario, Canada |
Pearls_of_Wisdom, Nice one! Although i am not entirely sure what the "they's" are directly referring to in the first three stanzas, but i'd like to see them as little "poetic spirits" within a poet that guide her (or him) to write... It's just so encouraging to see a poet calling out for the need to stuggle with emotions and pour them onto pieces of paper: "Feel heat from the burning now Falling into rhythm now Feet moving in time now Round and round and round." I enjoyed it!  |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I see where you were going with the attempt to create a chanting rhythm, but some of it sounds forced. Beautifully repreated sounds awkward- it's too long of a word. Some of the phrasing, too, was a bit awkward- maybe it seemed a little too archaic, or like it was trying too hard to create a fairy-tale setting. I was also confused about who 'they' were. everything's fine. |
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Jeen Member
since 2000-06-07
Posts 91 |
I too need to know what these little elves (?)are doing. If I knew that the poem would come together for me. jeen |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Unless you let the reader know who 'they' are, it is unlikely you will connect to your readers. Unless you want to be deliberately mysterious. Overall I find your poem highly problematic. It almost has an antiquated feel...like a poem mixing modern and 19th century styles of writing...the 'round and round and round' strikes me as an example of the latter. 'you hide yourself beneath' is modern on the other hand - and an image I like. 'Kinsmen' of course adds to the 'old' feel. I think that is some of the problem with your piece. There are parts when I feel it might be settling into a comfortable style, and then - the whole thing becomes unbalanced again. From my own biased view point - I'd say make it modern heh. The last line. It's rather weak to end on an inverted line. By inverted I refer to the grammatical structure of the 'will they be' segment. It is also antiquated and frankly sounds forced. However, the 'be' doesn't rhyme with any previous ending word so I'm curious as to why you wrote the line this way? So, I think you need to rewrite sections of your poem to make it either antiquated or modern. And explain the 'them' in order to reach your readership. I myself thought of angels - probably due to the feathered image...  KI am a refugee of logic...insisting |
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Janette
since 2001-07-20
Posts 2843Chicagoland for now |
Ohhhhh....I am sorry...I have to agree with the other readers sweetie...who are the "they"???? |
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**lost** Junior Member
since 2001-07-16
Posts 32ma |
im not going to once again comment on who is "they" or little elves, what i will comment on your repeatitions of the words in the second line of each stanza. many poems are able to pull it off because of a direct relationship to the overall purpose of the poem. the repeating of the phrase or word acknowleges that this is an important part of the fiting together of the poem which in turn would result in a conclusion or purpose. this poem seem not to have a purpose other then description, if that is the case i would eliminate the repeats. also try and stick to one era of writing, be it arcaic type style or modern. confused among strangers, |
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