»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
Svankmajer's Alice (in Wonderland)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
Svankmajer's Alice (in Wonderland) |
|
|
brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland 
|
I am Alice, Ever-changing S -ome days growing O-nly then to S-hrink! the inflatable girl in plaster Paris Words tumbling down the rabbit hole, to quote myself "recessing, recessing more.". In autumn collage, you guided me out of jabbering streets to a quaint coffee shop. We took our plastic trays to our plastic table, ill-seated with the roosting priests and nuns. In such company you confessed, summer brought you love wrapped in a swaying dress. With those words, our brew matured, its milky swirls brushing inertia from our lives, as we abandoned the murky Side Gate… In Bewleys, We huddled where poetic icons once penned moments out of history, all the while sipping tea and just talked Of lucent nothings. Wild hares unravelled to Orient-Décor Transcending as we trailed onto the Queen George's Court You sheltered me from predatory advances with their eyes pining for the head of Alice "Off with his head!" Now. I am Alice, forever-treasuring my friends. No, I am not Alice! for Alice forgot her wonderland Through the Looking glass! Poor Alice forever without checkmate. ------------- This is part one of a two or three part poem based around Alice in Wonderland, so it may not seem complete. "Here I am in prison,here I am with a ball and chain There is whiskey in the jar-o" Traditional irish song. |
||
| © Copyright 2001 brian madden - All Rights Reserved | |||
Lady In White
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799USA |
There you go, tripping me along first on a fairy-tale then leading me through cavernous insights of Bewleys... nothing to critique...you do that with me...you muddle my mind so all I want to do is... read more! |
||
|
brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Lady in white as much as I love positive feedback, and I do love positive feedback, I need a critical eye here. Kamla where are you when I need you? lol "Here I am in prison,here I am with a ball and chain There is whiskey in the jar-o" Traditional irish song. |
||
|
Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Heh...wow do I feel privileged - in hot demand. Don't you know that's just bad for my horrible ego??? ROTF! I'll work on it for you...it's in Word now...waiting..waiting... I'm very busy right now (as you know lol), but I'll get to it in the next few days Bri..  Kps - what on earth are you doing in the beginning? |
||
|
brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
I know I should be in bed but that drink gave me energy. From now on no more one for the road.lol. Anyway no pressure with the crit. I am editing parts 2 and 3. SO more work for you to do. Yes I am taking advantage of your Uni education. lol |
||
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Brian, Go back and read the Four Quartets by Eliot and use that as your model. I really think some of the word play here can be greatly enhanced by following the master. Just an opinion, Brad |
||
|
brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Brad, Thanks for the suggestion. You know I have never really read any of Eliot's poetry, I shall do a search for the poem |
||
|
**lost** Junior Member
since 2001-07-16
Posts 32ma |
i feel i am not worthy enough, given my lack of poetic talent, to commenton this brilliant piece of work, abstract but it flows and comes together well. knowing there is more to come takes away from an expectation of a conclusion. what i really like is in the first stanza, the seperation of the first letters from the words to create sos the universal help signal. thank you so much for this brilliant piece of work. i will not destroy an ego worthy of existance. confused among strangers, |
||
|
Voiceless Senior Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 686Under the stars upon the wind |
Hey, Okay first off I would like to point out the fact that I really shouldn't critique anybody because when I write I tend to wing it and usually don't use any system. But I am able to tell you this. I really enjoyed this poem, I personally thought that it was well written and presented. It flowed well, and I just liked it! (I know that didn't burst your ego, but hey it's the truth!) ~*Freedom Is Not Free*~ (Korean War Memorial) |
||
|
hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I thought the SOS was too deliberate, like when people do their acrostics in boldface. It's distracting. I would try it without the dashes, I think it'll be better if it's more discreet. I love the description of jabbering streets.... brilliant. I also like roosting priests and nuns... I imagined them at a fisher price picninc set in a henhouse full of snoozing chickens, lol. 'In such company you confessed, summer brought you love wrapped in a swaying dress.' good flow with these lines. Without ever having seen/read Alice in Wonderland, all i can say about the last two stanzas is that they lose some structure... and at the end, the abrupt about-face confused me... I felt like it came too suddenly. You are more than the sum of what you consume |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
