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Critical Analysis #1

what is this

D'nal
New Member

since 2001-07-02

Posts 7

0 posted 2001-07-03 06:01 AM

what is this???
i have to ask.
after all this time,
have you forgotten our past??
i wonder if you loved me,
the way that i loved you,
and after all this time,
you know i still do.
so why are you acting like,
oh nevermind..,

do you have some time
to enjoy a glass of wine?
or maybe you and i,
could take a ride.
and just relax,
while whatching the stary sky.

what's this now??,
you look a bit surprised.
you knew i was going to kiss you,
from the way i gazed in your eyes.
it's been such a long time,
since i had one of those.,,
your electrifying kisses,
enough to curl your toes.

now i ask my self
what is this???
falling in love again
from such a simple kiss......
-ku-

hush
Senior Member

since 2001-05-27

Posts 1653
Ohio, USA

1 posted 2001-07-03 05:02 PM

very distracting surplus of punctuaion. The rhyme sounded forced in a lot of places. Overall, I think you could make this more interesting with a more unique approach to the subject- different types of descriptions, etc.

everything's fine.

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