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Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

0 posted 2001-06-29 03:59 PM

This is a pretty loose parody of a nice poem by a dear friend, the late Robert Kogan. (It has been pointed out that this is not a parody. But the idea still comes from his poem.)

We Never Had A Chance

Long ago there was a time
When I could hold you - Call you mine;
I still recall our favorite song
And how you used to sing along,
The games we played, as lovers will
When all alone, and such a thrill
To think we had our future planned
Just wishing for it, hand-in-hand
Rejoicing in our lover's dream . . .
We would have made a perfect team.

Now there's nothing I can to do
But cherish memories of you
And fantasize a fairer past
In which our love would always last.
And seeing that leaves me bereft
At knowing none of it is left
But memories of what I missed
And eyes that closed each time we kissed.

For I never had the chance
To ask you for that final dance,
And there may never be a time
When I can hold you - Call you mine.

[This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 06-30-2001).]

Jessica

Member

since 2001-06-28

Posts 350
South AL

1 posted 2001-06-29 04:37 PM

Pete... Very good... I don't think I would change anything. Nice work...

What don't kill you can only make you stronger...

Jessica

Member

since 2001-06-28

Posts 350
South AL

2 posted 2001-06-29 04:38 PM

LoL... And I just realized that you didn't write it... Sorry... I still think it is a wonderful poem.

What don't kill you can only make you stronger...

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

3 posted 2001-06-29 07:03 PM

Dear Pete,

Please tell me what is satirical or humorous about that piece? I am in the dark. To me, it seems like a very well-written romantic poem.

Kris

"It is wisdom to know others;
It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu

hush
Senior Member

since 2001-05-27

Posts 1653
Ohio, USA

4 posted 2001-06-30 12:33 PM

'Now there's nothing I can to do'

I read this line and screwed it around in my head, but the reply my brain keeps giving me is 'huh?' Was there a grammatical typo, or am I just not getting something?

I really like your flow, but certain things weren't played with enough- like what kind of games did you play? what memories are you cherishing? Maybe short elaborations in parentheses would work in this?

everything's fine.

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

5 posted 2001-06-30 09:13 AM

Thanks for commenting, Jessica, glad you liked.

You are right Kris. Parody is not the right word. My bad mistake but for some reason I can't come up with the right term now

Any help here with the proper word would be appreciated. I can't post Mr Kogan's poem for comparison, due to copyright problems and PIP guidelines. Four or five of my lines are quite close to the original and some other words are also. The overall content is somewhat different and the original doesn't have the turn. What should this be called then?

Hush, I see what you want in asking for more description but to add much at this point would change the nature of the piece more than I think I want to.

Thanks,
Pete

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

6 posted 2001-07-02 12:57 PM

Pete,

If these are mostly your words, just based on inspiration from someone else's work...then I would like to say that I think this is absolutely lovely.

Kris

"It is wisdom to know others;
It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu

[This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 07-02-2001).]

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