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Blonde on Blonde
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Blonde on Blonde |
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Sundown Junior Member
since 2001-06-04
Posts 16does it really matter? |
Fragments of times before I was even born the tenement, the loft and the visions. I am helpless on the floor listening closely picturing the empty lots and the apartment blues of the road I can feel his voice shaking the ground traveling through the lowlands hard, sad eyed ladies clutch their rosary beads as he describes their hollow faces in beautiful detail. "She's been looking like a queen in a sailor's dream, and she don't always say what she really means" |
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| © Copyright 2001 Amy Rodgers - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
I liked this a lot. Here are my comments: -some punctuation is used, but not much--some places seem to need it, other places I thought needed to have punctuation added, however, what I might consider is dropping punctuation in this poem because the line breaks work so well without it. Just something to think about. -fragments of time, helpless on the floor, hollow faces are all a little overused. I would consider keeping those ideas but replacing the language with more original language -I like the sound and the good clear images Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
This has great potential, I like the set up, the basic image, but feel that you're still too reserved here: Fragments of times before I was even born --too general the tenement, the loft and the visions. --however, this is suggestive. It makes me want to read more. I am helpless on the floor listening closely picturing the empty lots and the apartment --a nice build here. Wish there was more though. blues of the road --a little too vague, try to break out of this. I can feel his voice shaking the ground traveling through the lowlands hard, sad eyed ladies clutch their rosary beads --I like the rosary beads line and the strength of the voice but, but we need to see more of these women. as he describes their hollow faces in beautiful detail. --I think we need more of that beautiful detail. A suggestive work that tantalizes the reader but never quite gives us the complete image. Let go more, explore it, connect the syntax a bit more, and this could be really interesting. Just an opinion, Brad |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Lol, that's actually the CD I'm listening to right now.... go figure. Anyway, I agree that you should elaborate more on this- give us more detail... some things were so vague I had trouble seperating the images from one another, and while on one level, that might be a desired effect, and it might work in some poems, I think this would be better as a more descriptive piece- it's like you're flirting with an album you should be composing 20 page love letters to! I would like to say, though, I like this style, the gentle float of imagery... my suggestion would be to expand on the images, and if you want to make them more distinct, punctuate as you change from one to another- other than that, I'd leave it punctuation free. If I had a soul I sold it |
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