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Critical Analysis #1
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Xeonox
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0 posted 2001-05-22 01:34 AM


leaving it behind,
the cornerstone I’ve met,
From then on
making a decision
was all that is left



[This message has been edited by Xeonox (edited 05-23-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Ronil B Tataria - All Rights Reserved
Joricho
Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 56
Australia
1 posted 2001-05-22 08:23 AM


Not sure if this is a typo or some profound meaning, but don't you mean:
from THERE on / from THEN on???
It has a melancholy feel, which I like, but it's a bit obscure for me!

Kirk T Walker
Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357
Liberty, MO
2 posted 2001-05-22 11:17 AM


I think you could cut this one done 4 lines by removing the middle line.  Should "is left" in last line be "was left" ?

Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion.


7
Member
since 2000-04-26
Posts 113
Amherst, MA, USA
3 posted 2001-05-22 02:38 PM


I'm not familiar with your writing, so I'm not sure what you intended, but as I was reading I was thinking, wouldn't it be intelligent if someone made a bunch of grammar and spelling mistakes to make a point in their poem? Although I'm not quite sure what that point would be. And not that it's not a good poem without the mistakes. Just going out on a limb for a sec...

7

Xeonox
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4 posted 2001-05-23 12:07 PM


This poem is about me turning 20 last week.

Ronil (One becomes god only when they have fully understood the role of being a human being.)

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