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Critical Analysis #1
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My Colors
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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My Colors |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
The colors of my long handwriting are Mead red , writing white, and word black. Whether I’m writing in Waikiki or Monument Valley. My computer backcloth is the color of Jeff Beck and his guitar. His music is the color of my poetry. My living room is the color of a mother wolf and her pups surrounded in furry white, background blue, and border brown. My kitchen is colored like coffee cups, natural cupboards, cereal sacks, and dirty dishes. My bedroom is the color of sleep and the color of soundless television reading me to sleep. The color of my mirror is silver reverse reflection. Everything has hidden and unhidden colors. My poetry is clear-colored, and opaque like my books -- and the books I read. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Marq - All Rights Reserved | |||
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
I liked the reference to the "mother wolf and her pups", but felt "shewolf and cubs" would contribute better to the overall flow of the piece. That said, I loved the color coordinated concept and images therein. Thanks, Billy  "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." coyote [This message has been edited by coyote (edited 05-10-2001).] |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
marq-- i thought the poem was pretty good. jeff beck's music "is the color / of my poetry"... "My poetry is clear-colored, and opaque like my books"... which is it? "everything has hidden and unhidden colors" could be improved. jenni |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
To Coyote and Jenni, Thank you both. Very good suggestions you've given me. Clear or opaque or the color of Jeff Becks music? All three together of course -- and more. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
i thought you did quite well...great job... and keep writing...  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I think you're on to something here but you've let the initial structure control the poem rather than letting the ideas flow more freely. I'm think of an Ashbery type poem, a poem that almost makes sense but never quite seems to cohere -- the repetition of colors limits the pleasure that can be derived from such an approach. My favorite sentence is "My bedroom is the color of sleep and the color of soundless television reading me to sleep" I think you should work on that, on subverting the expectations of the reader. The last line, by the way, was painful for me to read -- drop one of those and's if you don't mind. Just an opinion, Brad PS where's Al Fumayle these days? |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I think your ideas are all over the place- you tried too tackle a topic too wide for one poem. concentrate on the colors of one particular thing- your poem will be more focused and powerful. If I had a soul I sold it |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
hush: I'm not sure that focusing on one color would have accomplished what seems to be the aim of this poem--to represent oneself through color-based (sometimes ambiguosly colored) imagery. I think that variety is essential to the nature of the individual in this poem. Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Kirk- I didn't suggest staying to one color, but to the many colors of one thing- this would still leave plenty of room for variety- although on the re-read this isn't quite as all-over-the-place as I had thought- but I do think some of the color images need to be better linked to others... If I had a soul I sold it |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Hush, What I think is interesting is that you think Marq's gone too far, that he needs more control, and I think that he hasn't gone far enough. I don't have any resolution to this but I like the fact that different opinions, directions have been offered. Variety, I think, can help the author and others continue to move in differing directions. That is, it's not,"people disagree, what am I supposed to do", kind of thinking so much as allowing for three of four more different types of poems (including possible rewrites of this one) that might be written -- "Let me try a more controlled one, let me try a more open one." It makes the whole thing more interesting. Brad |
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Sundown Junior Member
since 2001-06-04
Posts 16does it really matter? |
there is some beautiful imagery in the poem, but I too was a little confused about the Jeff Beck/opaque thing, however after reading some of the replies I must agree that poetry can be multicolored |
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