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Critical Analysis #1
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Davey Hays
New Member
since 2001-05-10
Posts 4
California, United States

0 posted 2001-05-10 03:34 PM




Do I believe in love?
Please excuse the laugh!
Youthful fancies hardly encompass,
The many profound complexities…
Of love…Love?  How does one know
When it is love?

However, Fate, Fate is a reality…
But could Fate bring love?  
Fate brings such love,
A feeling so clear, so simple…
it construes the mind,
however enlightening the soul

One might seemingly wait an entire lifetime
For love
That seems unobtainable, surreal

Only to find that love obtainable, very real
Still, though, love lies coy, dormant
Perhaps because of fear
one might delay…
Love is distinguished, very certain
How would one know for sure?

Love seems to be…
The piece that completes the unfinished soul
To introduce an unsuitable piece
to the puzzle that is the soul…Unthinkable!
Scrupulous caution ought be exercised
for that puzzle might be assembled unjustly-
remaining so, resulting in
torment, agony.

Love could be - that voice,
That need not say a word;
Encouraging a vulnerable soul…an uncertain soul
Convincing it, that acceptance and honesty
Are well on their way

Oh though… true, love is quite beautiful
So quick, so cunning is Love!
Stealing it's way to the heart

Could it be, might possibly!
Absent of warning,
One must be precise
Assumptions cannot be made!

However…

When Trust with Caution pleads
Cooing Passion intervenes…and Grace,
Why, Grace extends her open arms, and
A disillusioned soul is embraced

But love…Could it be?  It most certainly is!!!

Without a call -
It offers its warmth,
Its origin, its destiny…
are one and the same
Ending where it began-
Going where it came.

Might it be, that to me
Love makes skin, perhaps:
Softer than the flowing foam
of some gently murmuring distant shore,

Love makes the lips
Of an untainted soul
Taste of nectar from fruits
Forever remaining unknown to man
A nectar from the Gods

Beauty is genuine, but love is pure-
Strong…Yes, very
Misconstrued by most, neglected by many

Than it must be!
The simplicity of love, the swift
Uprooting of inner righteousness!
Love replaces poor greed, pettiness - and doubt…
In their place:
Unconditional honesty
Faith in uncertainty
Emotion no longer staggering blindly...
blindly through the alleys
of a once confused soul.
It is!

Caution subsides, Love succeeds it
Fear vacates, Trust infringes
The world then shifts, purity is restored
To an enlightened young man

Love is Passion,
passion in its most brilliant medium

Love can be a weapon
In the war of hearts
Meticulous caution must be exercised
Or the message will be misconstrued
Like a poem, driven by passion
Fueled by an internal fire I now know-
Love…!

But once in love!
What a revelation unfolding
Well -
Than it would seem,
That I must free that love

Though not easy, believe me
One must communicate that love,
I’m not worried how
I no longer need to fear

It is stronger, by far than you and I…
Love knows when to surface
It posted signs all over the road
Of my life, delivering me to you
Instructing me; directing me

Fear of Judgment is lost
Strength came from within

I give my love freely,
for it is mine to give.
My love has no possessor.
My life is mine to live.

I give to you
My heart, my passion, my burning fire
You have it now
what you do with it…
Well-
is yours to be done

The only thing I ask
Is that you be kind

However -
My love for you has taught me:
With all that is uncertain
what is simple…is true


I love you

© Copyright 2001 David Hays - All Rights Reserved
Kirk T Walker
Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357
Liberty, MO
1 posted 2001-05-10 06:17 PM


Too much telling, not enough showing.  More imagery!  I like the twist you are going for with the ending.  Welcome to CA.

Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion.


Kurt Rhys
Junior Member
since 2001-05-08
Posts 23

2 posted 2001-05-11 02:17 AM


You have a feel for just the right word
combined with unobtrusive rime, alliteration,
and an almost seamless rhythm......a philo-
sophical poem of timeless truths.

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