»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
To Jack
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
To Jack |
|
|
J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Jack, what would you now have me do. I've tapped my toes and wrung my hands, to the endless Beats of America's night. Looked out upon starless skies from her bowels, and rested for a while with my head on her breasts. So tell me more of angels wandering roads, endlessly in search...of better rides; longer, brighter days, stretched out over grass and tea. So now what, oh Bop Buddah, Jazz Jesus, Groove God, what do I long for now? Should I seek that final road, the last peak in the distance? Sipping my scotch should I await those final, lonely, desperate moments, wait for you with your desolate angels? I think not, You never did like the doldrums. The sad tragic end you always found wanting, but you always did find it. To you Jack I write, just to let you know that answers are still needed, that the beat goes on. Jason God is a warm whisper from the cool void. Jack Kerouac [This message has been edited by J.L. Humphres (edited 05-11-2001).] |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Jason L. Humphres - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Just a quick note everyone, it is now 3:52 in the a.m. and I think my insomnia has possibly cured my writer's block.  Or maybe the Jazz Jesus just gave me a blessing.Peace, no, no I really mean it Peace. J.L.H. Jason |
||
|
Sweeetsuz Senior Member
since 2000-07-23
Posts 770Fresno CA. |
great imagery and subtle yet mounting intensity. Blessed be and merrily met with good thoughts and feelings to all |
||
|
jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
jason-- i think it must have been the jazz jesus, lol. this is one good poem you have here. the poem has such beautiful, lyrical language, an excellent rhythm and flow, and a compelling, thoughtful voice that propels the reader through to the end. AND... you managed to write a poem about kerouac without explicitly mentioning the phrase "on the road"; instead you give us the sense and feel of the man, his life, his writing, what he means to you. very well done. a couple little things? i like the title, but i don't think you need to repeat "jack" again in the first line. i see what you're trying to do, i think, you're beginning the piece addressing your subject like you might in a letter, but i'd skip it and just get to the heart of the matter. i might even take out the reference to his name near the end, too; it came across to me a little like you felt you had to remind the reader that the poem was an address to jack kerouac. give the reader some credit! the piece is written so well, i was with you all the way. the two "But"s so close together near the end were just a tad bothersome, too; i don't know, maybe you could change the first to "Though". something to think about, anyway. and the line "I would think not" kind of troubled me, too; i'd just come out and say what you mean: "I think not." anyway, great job on this! thanks for posting it for us, jenni |
||
|
roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
j.l. i see a lot of these poet/author tribute poems coming through here. i just want to know what's going on? what am i missing here? no, seriously, despite the fact that i don't care for "jack" that much, this a really good poem. you've stayed true to his style, and i like the approach you've taken here, entreating to him for guidance. if that's what it takes to cure writer's block i say more power to you. very lyrical and readable piece. thanks for sharing. |
||
|
Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
I like this a lot too. My two cents: 'the angels wandering roads' is kind of a mouthful. I don't think it would harm anything to take out the 'the' in that line. Also 'I would think not' and 'but you always did find it' could probably be worded better. I really liked this! Excellent post! |
||
|
coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Jason, I have no critiques. I really liked this piece. The neon is flashing here, man. It flows in holy Jack style. Writer's block? No way, I think maybe you're "channeling". "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." coyote [This message has been edited by coyote (edited 05-10-2001).] |
||
|
J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Sweetsuz, Thank you for your kind words. Jenni, Thanks for reading and responding. I took your advice on the two buts in the last stanza. The "Jacks" though, I like, to me it gives the poem a necessary feeling of person to person communication. Sort of adds another element to the setting and mood of the poem. The "I would think not" line I'm still debating. Thanks for your comments and input, as always. roxanne, re: the author tributes. Check out Coyote's "Death in the Afternoon". Thanks for your kind comments and for taking time to read. Coyote, Thanks my beat brother, appreciate the kind words. J.L.H. Jason |
||
|
J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
marq, I missed ya on that first reply. I agree about the "angels" line, the "would think not" I'm still scrutinizing. "you always did find it" is probrably my favorite line of the whole thing. Thanks for reading and commenting. J Jason |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
