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Only Yes
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Only Yes |
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samantha4 Junior Member
since 2001-05-09
Posts 32Pennsylvania |
only yes. (there’s only yes) yes is the moon which d r i p s upon (you(upon me) and (me(upon you). and tonight. yes are(sweet honey drenched kiss me)your lips. yes is your touch. you are(everything i need i want within me)yes. yes is the sweet(taste of you) that burns on my tongue(your tongue) and pushes(push harder)my blood and wets my skin(you wet my skin with you my love) i am(yours you are mine)yes. yes is a rushing(pushing feeling flattening)wind that fills my lungs and stammers( i love you )my breath only now only here only yes. i thank you God for most this amazing day;for the leaping greenly spirits of trees and a blue true dream of sky - ee cummings |
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| © Copyright 2001 Samantha - All Rights Reserved | |||
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Samantha, I like your poem the language gives the piece a decided urgency. The format of it is very experimental, I don't really have any pointers for you on that. The whole piece works for me. J.L.H. Jason |
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samantha4 Junior Member
since 2001-05-09
Posts 32Pennsylvania |
J.L.H. Thank you for responding to my post. I'm glad you enjoyed it....it's one of my most recent, and most personal poems. The experimental format comes from a newfound fascination with ee cummings..... i thank you God for most this amazing day;for the leaping greenly spirits of trees and a blue true dream of sky - ee cummings |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
I like the creative side of this poem. Actually, I like the poem. On the whole it works very well. 'You wet my skin with you' falls flat for me however. And 'I am yours you are mine' is a wonderful line but it's been used before in a Crosby Stills and Nash song but I don't know whether you know that or not. I would try to work around that because that line makes me think of the song instead of your poem. A delight to read none the less. |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
samantha-- this is awesome! i really enjoyed it. the format and structure just pulls the reader in and never lets go, it has so much energy; it's an exciting, sensuous read. the dripping moon, the honey drenched kiss, the burning, pulling, pushing, rushing... the format really brings all of this to life, you can really feel it. very well done! my favorite lines? the whole "moon" line, especially the parentheticals there, and: yes is a rushing(pushing feeling flattening)wind that fills my lungs and stammers( i love you )my breath ...absolutely beautiful. i didn't think of the crosby, stills & nash song until i read marq's comment, but i do now (gee, thanks for mentioning that marq  ), so, yeah, i'd probably revise that a little. other than that, i think you have a fantastic poem here. yes! thanks for posting this for us, jenni |
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furlong Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 129 |
Yesssssssssssssssssss!! Being kind of conservative..lol experimental poetry and forms start off from a low base with me. But this is terrific. As the others have already said you've managed to give us the energy through a combination of language layout - and in this poem the energy, the spontaneity, is everything. Being a total philistine I don't even know the Crosby Stills and Nash song so I don't have a problem with that line, although in any other poem it's interesting to note that I would have probably screamed "cliche!" - in this piece it simple doesn't matter because to a large extent the phrases and their indiviual meanings seem so much less important than the overall "force" of the piece. One tiny tiny point! The closure, I don't know, but it somehow seems a little "less" than the rest of the poem. Maybe it's just me...lol. I wonder what the others think? Anyway, thank you. F |
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samantha4 Junior Member
since 2001-05-09
Posts 32Pennsylvania |
Thank you all so much for responding to my poem....I greatly appreciate the criticism and the feel-good happy comments too. =) Marq - haha...when i read your comment I laughed out loud because I didn't even realize the I am yours you are mine thing (great song, isn't it?). When i first wrote the poem, all of the parentheticals were missing - i added those after reading an ee cummings book. So originally the line was simply "I am yes"...and i didn't notice the CSN reference until you pointed it out. So thank you... Jenni - thank you SO much! your comments made me glow...=) and the stammer ( i love you) line is my favorite as well. Furlong - thank you for your kind comments! maybe my poem will make you give experimental form another chance??? =0) at any rate, i'm glad you enjoyed it.... as for the ending, i have a habit of often bringing things to an abrupt (or just differently-paced?) ending...mostly for effect. some people like it, and some don't. thank you for your comment on it. i thank you God for most this amazing day;for the leaping greenly spirits of trees and a blue true dream of sky - ee cummings |
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