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Critical Analysis #1
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don't know what to call it.
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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don't know what to call it. |
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chas Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 101Lynn, ma |
Your death means my freedom Your life means my hope I owe everything to you And I pray for you every night No older than I Equipped with nothing but a stone With nothing but the will of a tiger With nothing but the courage of a lion With nothing but the persistence of a panther Yet you have come so far You are my inspiration I cry with you I pray with you I feel the anger you do I have been there, too I have experienced the oppression You have done nothing to deserve it Nobody believes in you Nobody understands your pain When the world is fighting to keep human rights alive They fight to take yours Nobody cares for you You have never known peace Never known a night without someone dying Never known tranquility Never known calm Never known freedom.... You are my hero I know the strength it takes for you to get up every morning To face death in the face And to somehow find the strength to smile You are my hero My inspiration And when that faithful day comes I will be by your side Declaring your freedom together Because brother, your freedom is my freedom. |
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| © Copyright 2001 chas - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
This is nice! Well-presented! Good message without getting in our face with it. |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
This is nice! Well-presented! Good message without getting in our face with it. |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
chas- i'm thinking of this as sort of a tribute poem to dead soldiers i guess. the first few lines seem to indicate that. "Your death means my freedom Your life means my hope I owe everything to you And I pray for you every night" i can't say that i really care for the exagerrated cat metaphors here. tiger, lion, panther, puma, lynx, there are a lot of cats out there. what makes a pnather particularly persistant anyways? "With nothing but the will of a tiger With nothing but the courage of a lion With nothing but the persistence of a panther" "Yet you have come so far You are my inspiration I cry with you I pray with you" i don't see why you are using yet here, in fact, this section makes me think you are now talking to a foe on the battle field. You have done nothing to deserve it Nobody believes in you Nobody understands your pain When the world is fighting to keep human rights alive They fight to take yours Nobody cares for you You have never known peace Never known a night without someone dying Never known tranquility Never known calm Never known freedom.... this is the part that i think should be showing the reader more about where the speaker is coming from and who the speaker is talking to, but instead i think it adds another dimension of confusion. is this a soldier? a foe? a medic? i don't yet know who you are talking to. You are my hero I know the strength it takes for you to get up every morning okay, another possible suspect, the everyman. "To face death in the face" one could argue that you really can only face death in the face. the two faces are redundant. "And to somehow find the strength to smile You are my hero My inspiration And when that faithful day comes I will be by your side Declaring your freedom together Because brother, your freedom is my freedom." now i'm starting to think that it's a convicted felon family member, or something similar. there are many different tones used through out this poem, which i think is what is keeping you from the desired effect. most of the imagery is good, but there's also some needless repetition and definite confusion. sounds like you have a pretty interesting story here, and i'd like to be able to understand it better. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
great message! and another poem i enjoyed from u keep writing   ...?death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins |
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