navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #1 » i wonder
Critical Analysis #1
Post A Reply Post New Topic i wonder Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
chas
Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 101
Lynn, ma

0 posted 2001-04-16 03:13 PM



I wonder,
How long can a child cry before he knows he has cried enough?
How emotional can a boy be if he wasn’t taught to be so tough?
How far can a man go if he hasn’t learned of this world so rough?

I wonder,
How long can a child sleep before she is woken by this world so loud?
How long can a girl resist temptation if she wasn’t told to hang with the correct crowd?
How much class can a lady have if she hasn’t learned to be proud?

I wonder,
Knowing the things that I know, do I put less pressure on my son? Or do I give my daughter more control? Or do I raise them to be like me?
Maybe.
I wonder.

© Copyright 2001 chas - All Rights Reserved
roxane
Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505
us
1 posted 2001-04-17 02:39 PM


i like the thought that this poem is a parent's musings on how to properly raise his/her child.  i think the rhyme scheme is unnecessary.  it makes it harder to have meaningful lines follow the first one.  you have to notice that your first line in every stanza is strong, but then it tapers off.  i think that's a product of trying to make this rhyme.  the title is also very good.

Kirk T Walker
Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357
Liberty, MO
2 posted 2001-04-17 06:57 PM


Hmm. I think the answer, my friend, may be blowin' in the wind.


"How many roads must a man walk down/
Before you call him a man?/
How many seas must a white dove sail/
Before she sleeps in the sand?(and so on)" --Bob Dylan

I don't think that the ideas of this poem reminded me of this song so much as the form in which they were presented (in question form with "How" at the beginning, rhymed, etc).

Losing the rhyme scheme as roxane suggested would probably help, as would not asking "How".  

Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion.


Kicking Kim
Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 426
Cloud Cucko Land!
3 posted 2001-04-18 12:21 PM


This is an amazing poem, it reflects the true beauty of life, each of the things that you mentioned are so real and I can relate to them all, as well as the thoughts.  I have no criticism sorry but I can give you credit for this fantastic poem.  

^*~Kicking Kim~*^

"Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression"

Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
4 posted 2001-04-22 09:25 AM


This is in the anaphora mode of poetry (psalms, Clarke, Whitman, Ginsberg) but I think you're holding yourself back. This is an interesting beginning but, I say, let yourself go and explore the images, doubts, thoughts, moments or whatever that you only allude to in this 'beginning'.

Brad

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

5 posted 2001-04-25 06:21 PM


i liked this poem
as i also see the world in this way
thanks for sharing..i really enjoyed the read
keep writing

...?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #1 » i wonder

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary