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Critical Analysis #1
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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Movement |
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Tony Di Bart Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 160Toronto, Canada |
Her words escaped from the pages up through the fingers that had originally sentenced them there. Through a body, now older more used, more drowned in life immersed in the everyday to a tongue and through lips sweeter and more sour A word carries like the scent of a lover across a thousand miles wandering to a sailors sadness. A word escapes her mind parting my lips like a virgins legs, reluctant and full of anticipation I waited for the next word while holding on to the last one |
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| © Copyright 2001 Anthony Di Bartolomeo - All Rights Reserved | |||
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
i liked it .nice job! keep writin'  |
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helen smith Member
since 2001-03-12
Posts 240 |
I likes it as well |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
tony-- very well done, i enjoyed this, especially the second stanza, which i thought was quite beautiful, with stunning, evocative images. nice word-play in the first stanza, too, with the fingers "sentencing" words to a page, and the drowning/immersion. the last two lines were maybe a bit flat in comparision to what preceded it; you might want to think about the last line reading simply "while holding on to the last", or try something else entirely, something that really grabs the reader. just my opinion, of course. overall, a really good read! thanks for sharing it with us. jenni |
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Tony Di Bart Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 160Toronto, Canada |
Thanks for the input guys. Jenni I always look forward to your very constructive critism. Thanks See Ya |
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