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Wintertime Flies
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Wintertime Flies |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Wintertime Flies by Kirk T Walker Wintertime flies are fat and black and ominous. They are unswattable, solitary, everpresent, and are always suggesting that there is something wrong with us. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Kirk T Walker - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Hi Kirk, Are there a lot of flies in wintertime where you live? I'm in Canada, and I can't say that I've noticed a big problem with them. Oh well. Anyway, this poem made me laugh with it's carefully chosen description and surprise ending, which I certainly wasn't expecting. You certainly got across some interesting, clear images in such a small number of words. Nicely done. I can't say that I've ever written something so short, but it gives a different and unique effect. From reading this and some of your other replies, you seem to be someone who's pretty knowledgeable and dedicated to poetry. That's just my opinion of course, and although not everyone has to be all serious and totally into poetry, it's good to see that some people (and I consider myself one) are. I'll look forward to more of your work. =) Ashley |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Ashley: Thanks a lot for your comments. No, there is no fly infestation during the winter in Missouri. However, there will occasionally be a single fly which appears from no where in the middle of winter. Where they come from and why they resurrect themselves to haunt us in the cold season is a mystery. I usually prefer brevity in the poetry that I read and I think that is partially why I tend to write shorter poems. I consider myself an amateur, but I sincerely enjoy poetry. I am certainly not as knowledgeable as a great number of members who frequent this forum, but I appreciate the compliment. |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
hi kirk-- this is a really interesting, quirky piece, lol, humorous at first read, kinda spooky when you think about it a little more, lol. i think you could maybe trim a few words without losing any of the poem's sense or feel, specifically, "they are" in the beginning of line 2 (maybe also have a comma instead of a full-stop period at the end of line 1) and "and are" and "that" in the third line. i don't know, see what ya think. thanks for a good read! jenni |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
jenni: thanks for your comments; they were very helpful. You were correct on each point. Here is my revision after your comments: Wintertime flies are fat and black and ominous, solitary, unswattalbe, ever present, always suggesting there is something wrong with us. |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Recently, I have been trying to tackle the idea of stessed vs. unstressed syllables. See if this stress pattern seems to be more or less correct to you for the revised version. Any suggestions or tips you could give would be appreciated. /=stress .=no stress /.././././.. |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Oh fun, a project! I've missed doing this now that we're onto drama in Enlgish. Did your diagram include the whole poem? because I counted a lot more in there. Here's what I saw for stresses....(Hope my marks can line up above the right syllable.) /=stressed, x=unstressed / x x / x / x / x / x x Wintertime flies are fat and black and ominous, / xxx x / x x / (x) / x solitary, unswattable, ever present, / x x / x x x / x / x / always suggesting there is something wrong with us. |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Ashley: Thanks for replying. Yes, I was ATTEMPTING to match the stress pattern to the entire peice. Oh well. I guess I won't write poetry based on stress patterns. ha ha. Any tips on what I might be doing wrong or on what method I should use to determine what is and is not stressed? I know that English has a tendancy to stress initial syllables, but other than that I just sort of sound it out (not too successfully apparently). I haven't had any classes on writing poetry so I am not very good at some of the technical stuff like this and writing in forms, etc. |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
hi kirk-- i think the stress patterns in the first and third lines of the revised version match, and overall the stresses work quite well. here's how i read it: WIN-ter-time FLIES are FAT and BLACK and OM-in-ous, SOL-i-(TAR)-y, UN-SWAT-ta-ble, EV-er PRES-ent, AL-ways sug-GEST-ing (THERE) is SOME-thing WRONG with US ... which, using your symbols, comes out like this: 1 /.././././.. 2 /././/.././. 3 /../././././ the word "there" in the last line only has a very slight stress, but a stress nonetheless. i put a stress on the last word("us"), but i don't think that messes up your pattern at all; it's kind of a close call whether the last syllable of "ominous" is stressed (i think it isn't, but it sounds almost like it could be), and anyway, "us", as the last word in a very short piece, should be allowed to break the pattern and bring the piece to a definite end. the second line is a different rhythmic pattern, but it works, in my opinion, it gathers strength and speed as it goes and gives some tension and "meat" in the heart of the poem. i think the poem is more effective for it. don't say you won't write poetry based on stress patterns! poetry is all about rhythm (and the line break), no matter what kind of verse you're talking about (ESPECIALLY free verse, i would argue). tips for how to determine what is stressed and what isn't? the best way is just to sound it out, and tap on the desk, lol. pronounce the words just like you would in ordinary, everyday speech, but more slowly, tap on the desktop with your finger at every stress, and with the palm of your hand lightly on your leg for every unstressed syllable. sometimes it helps to write the words out with the stressed syllables capitalized and unstressed ones in lower case; you can see it then, as well as feel it. and of course, there's always the dictionary, which will show the primary and secondary stresses on the different syllables. alot of times when you're sounding out words it helps to totally exaggerate the stressed syllables; it should sound silly, lol, but still feel right. try it with a 5-syllable word like "imagination": i-MA-gin-A-tion. doesn't it sound totally weird if you were to say I-ma-GIN-a-TION? lol, anyway, don't give up on it, lol, you have a good ear for this stuff whether you know it or not, and you're pretty talented, so just keep plugging away (like the rest of us, haha). jenni |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Yes, a technical project. I see it almost like Ashley but I think we could take it one more step. If we consider lightly stressed syllables, that is, more than unstressed but not so much a fully stressed. Then, / = full stress x = light stress . - unstressed / . . / . / . / . / . . Wintertime flies are fat and black and ominous, / .x. . / . . / . / . solitary, unswattable, ever present, / . . / . x . / . / . x always suggesting there is something wrong with us. Well, like I said, it's very close to Ashley's but I do hear some minor differences which might be significant. BTW Ashley, why did you have the one x in parentheses? Pete |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
jenni: Thanks for responding. I was joking mostly, and I definitely didn't mean that my poetry wouldn't include stress patterns or that I would give up on sound and rythym, I just meant that I wouldn't worry TOO much about the technical disection of my poetry since I don't seem to be too successful at it. Thanks for the compliments and especially for the tips. This will sound dull of me, but I never actually thought of refering to a dictionary. I think that would probably be helpful until I get used to interpreting stresses for myself, epecially on the longer words which seem to be tripping me up. Pete: Thank you for taking the time to complete "the project". |
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