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To An Old Love
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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To An Old Love |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
To An Old Love Though years long past, I still recall a shower Of radiance that sparked the days with cheer, But frailty overcame until that flower Of life was snatched away with scarce a tear. 'Tis ever Time's relentless quest, I fear, His dreadful means and methods will devour Our loves and lives - we watch them disappear, Quite helpless as our best intentions cower. How long we must endure that awful power Of yearning for a love no longer near, Each minute bathed in sorrow seems an hour, Each day is like a month, each week a year. Although I knew her but in passing here, I will remember always. That is clear. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Pete Rawlings - All Rights Reserved | |||
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The_Rose Junior Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 10 |
Message to Not a Poet Dear Pete (Not A Poet), I've read your sonnet and I find delight, But will demur to say what's wrong or right. For beauty's rules I do not comprehend, Nor can advise the words to keep or mend. Yet most of all let us assist what's fair, Which gives to all the will to write with care. The Rose |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Hello Pete  ,A wonderful sonnet you've written here. Is this part of the goddess series also? The extra beat in L-1 and L-3 work well, although I did stumble a bit over "frailty", which is actually 3 syllables. Perhaps if you put it as "frail'ty". Don't know if that would help or not. In the last line, I think instead of two lines in one: "I will remember always. That is clear.", a semi-colon and one sentence might work better to keep the nice flow going. I enjoyed the read, Pete, as always. You have THE way with sonnets, my friend. Kris  "It is wisdom to know others; It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Thanks Rose, a pretty nice poetic response. Interesting observation and question Kris. No, an entirely new subject but it might have double meaning. Also interesting how we abuse the language differently in different parts of the country. You mention extra syllables but when I refer to the rhyming dictionary, all these words like power, hour, etc show up sometimes as one-syllable rhymes and sometimes as two-syllable rhymes. All this within the same dictionary, just depending on what root word you look up. As I see it, they really are somewhere between one pure syllable and a full two, if that is possible. I think frailty has similar problems. Actually, I never liked the frailty line but couldn't come up with an alternative which made the same statement while still fitting the format. Perhaps a little advice here would be useful. It would certainly be appreciated. Actually, this started out as a sonnet burried in September, my last attempt at a sort of free verse which didn't get good reviews. The only thing left in the end was approximately lines 11 and 12. BTW, I agree on the last line. Thanks, Pete |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
I like this quite a lot. But I do have some observations. I really like the line 'Tis ever time's relentless quest, I fear'. Wonderful music in that line. But then the next line is devoid of the music of the aforementioned line. I realize it's hard to match the 'Tis ever time' line but that is a point that stood out to me. Also the 'each minute an hour' 'each day a month' 'each week a year' was kind of the lazy way out, if you know what I mean. A little too easy. You show a nice writing and rhyming touch with this poem that is impressive. Good post! |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
bonjour pete :-) I really liked this sonnet, it had a raw undercurrent ( I hope the meaning of that is the same where you are lol). Have a question: Can a sonnet be written from the prospective of an animated object or does it always have to be a person? nice read :-) debbie debbie |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Debbie, Good to hear your voice again. Haven't heard from you in a while. Not sure exactly what you mean by raw undercurrent but, from the tone of the comment, I take it as a compliment. So thanks. As for your question, you are well aware that I am certainly no expert, but I do have an opinion  I guess the majority of sonnets have probably been written about love in one form or another. But I don't see any reason that you couldn't write a perfectly good one about most any subject you choose and from most any viewpoint. So give it a go. I eagerly await the result.Pete |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
nice poem i liked it but i still can't believe ur not a poet!!j/k |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
pete- i hope you won't mind a reply from an obscure voice. i still read poems on here all the time, but i haven't replied. your beautiful poem is forcing me to reply. when i read this poem, i immediately thought of a close friend i lost. you described basically every emotion i felt, everything about her. i cried reading it, and i seldom cry for the written word (though it does touch me). it's inspired me to end my hiatus and see what else i've missed in my infrequent readings. thank you for this, though it wasn't meant for me, it means a lot to me. |
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Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
Dear Pete. You've forfeited your user name with this one. It's very beautiful. I am struggling with another sonnet that I am trying to give the right form after the kind hints you gave me for the one I posted. I'll copy this off to see where I am erring. I have ten syllables in each line, but somehow the stress doesn't work out. I'll get it and then I'll post it. Thank you, Joyce |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hello Albert, Thanks for your comments. I don't believe I have seen your name in here before so, welcome and I hope you will join the group on a regular basis. Roxane, What can I say? It is truly great to hear your voice again. You have been away for way too long. If my humble poem has sparked the interest in you to return to CA then it was well worth the effort. BTW, I am glad you enjoyed. Please don't be such a stranger. Joyce, Thank you for your comments. I have all the confidence that you will put together a terrific sonnet. After you last one (first I seem to recall your saying) I think you don't have far to go toward perfecting the form. Thanks all, Pete |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Roxanne, I'm with Pete. Please stay if you can. Brad |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Pete I guess I'll join the crowd on this one. I liked your opening lines and felt they led into the poem nicely. I read this twice and appreciated it more on the second reading. A universal topic. Nice job. forrest |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
hiya pete...remember me? long time no see, lol. another nice sonnet here, as usual from you, lol. your meter's great and the use of enjambment gives the piece good movement. the "frailty overcame" line was a little confusing to me, i'm not quite sure what you mean there, but i think i get it, lol. the line "'Tis ever Time's relentless quest I fear" is just a tad, the tadliest tad, lol, on the archaic side for my taste, but that's just me, lol. overall a very nice piece, thanks for a good read! jenni p.s.: i know it's a bit late, lol, but congrats on being a moderator! hope you're having fun with it. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Jenni, Do I remember you? What kind of question is that? Of course I do although you have been away much too long. And I have missed you too, we all have. It's great to hear from you again. Hope you can stay around a while, write some stuff and help the rest of us with your critiques. Thanks, yes I am enjoying it. The forum has been a little quiet the last few weeks though. Hope that's just a cyclical thing and nothing related to the new moderator. Thanks, Pete |
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furlong Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 129 |
A well executed sonnet (it is a sonnet?). Quite enjoyed the momentary personification of Time and even the elements of archaic language. Thank you. |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Pete, Hi there! I liked this (sorry - I'm in a bit of a hurry and couldn't put that better). You mixed everyday language with poetic language nicely. I gave a neat effect. I guess it could be sort of an anit-sonnet, being about lost love instead of found love, you know? I've been trying to think of a replacement for frailty (it reminded me a bit of an old lady and that sort of broke the flow!), and I'll let you know if I have a brilliant insight. Thanks for sharing this, Ashley |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Thanks Ashley, I was serious about wanting to fix that line. The more I look at it the less I like it. The reference is to an untimely death due to illness. For some reason I just can't come up with the right wording. Some sort of mental block I suppose. Any help you or anyone can offer would be greatly appreciated. Pete |
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