A Call to Spring - pipTalk Forums

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Critical Analysis #1

A Call to Spring

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

0 posted 2001-03-16 11:00 PM

Ah, Spring, come to me now with your rebirth,
This winter has become so long, so bleak,
The cheerless skies, funureal: the earth
Is stained and spotted; soiled landscapes seek
Your cleansing rain, the warming of your sun,
Your vital and invigorating breeze,
The shades of color; blushing tinges run
Anew throughout where had exists death's freeze.
If only Spring could hear my longing plea,
And send to me a sign of hope, of light,
Perhaps a purple crocus pushing free
Of crusty, grimy snow, breaking the blight.

Ah, Spring, my call to you is e'er sincere,
I pray that your sweet song, your warmth, is near.

Kris

"It is wisdom to know others;
It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

1 posted 2001-03-19 12:47 PM

Yet another sonnet? Methinks thou becomst a convert

I like the subject and the concept, seems particularly appropriate this time of year. As usual, your words fit the subject very well and held my interest throughout.

I am reluctant to be so picky but I know you put these here to get suggestions. So, here goes.

A small one first. I like the first line but it would read smoother to me if reordered thus.
Ah, Spring, come now to me with your rebirth,
Very small but makes the rhythm smoother. I think the minor inversion of usual word order is perfectly acceptable here. But, of course, that is JMHO. BTW, I read the first foot as a spondee and think that adds greatly to the feeling.

Should the colon in L3 be a semicolon?

In L4, I find soiled a bit difficult to say aloud. It seems technically correct but just a small tongue-twister. I don't really suggest changing it though.

Then L8 I again stumble over but not sure why. It looks like "had exists" is a typo but not sure what you intended there.

Finally in L12 the meter breaks at "breaking" without good reason. You might consider substituting to break in place of breaking.

I love the couplet. Sums up perfectly.

Thanks for the read,

Pete

Imagination is more important than knowledge
Albert Einstein

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