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Critical Analysis #1

Why I write poetry

paladin

Senior Member

since 2001-08-05

Posts 930
Pensacola,Fl.

0 posted 2001-08-31 09:21 AM

Much colder does the wind
chill my soul
That in my lonely struggle
for living purpose
I find my heart grow bitter
within the cold
I can feel the hard blue
flame of verse
On wings of verse my mind
trandscends mortality
It soars aloft on rhymed
words of faith
That I will live and find
peace for all eternity
Verse will sooth my lonlely heart
My restless soul is safe

paladin

[This message has been edited by paladin (edited 08-31-2001).]

hush
Senior Member

since 2001-05-27

Posts 1653
Ohio, USA

1 posted 2001-09-02 06:10 PM

My first suggestion is to eliminate typos. Then, eliminate the repition- it doesn't work here. After that, you should focus your ideas into something a little more defined- I mean, the first lines are not only vague, but they way they are phrased doesn't make much sense to me. I don't understand why they were phrased that way, either.

I eat only sleep and air -Nicole Blackman

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

2 posted 2001-09-03 11:03 PM

I like it...I'll sleep on it and see just what it is that is bothering me slightly...perhaps a different style of writing for you then what I am used to? Still....I like it.

paladin

Senior Member

since 2001-08-05

Posts 930
Pensacola,Fl.

3 posted 2001-09-09 11:14 AM

Here is a revision to the first two lines of this poem.

I feel a cold wind that
chills my soul
Lost in an endless struggle
to find life's purpose
And yet I feel the warm
red flame of verse

paladin

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