..........From Your Little Sister.................

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Critical Analysis #1

..........From Your Little Sister.................

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

0 posted 2001-02-09 10:09 PM

I listen to the CDs you got me
Almost every day
It makes me remember sneaking into your tapes
Finding the ones you told me not to touch
And listening anyways…………

I have the ceramic kitten in the boot
You got for me in Germany
In my kitchen, where I can see it
And I remember, that was the first gift you ever gave me
Mom and dad didn't make you…………….you did it just because

I was such a brat of a sister
I didn't realize what a great friend I had in you
Until you were half way around the world
Then I wished only………….to turn back time
Take it back…………start over………….do it different

I listen to the CDs you got me
Almost everyday
I still can't believe you got them for me
I listen to the CDs you got me…………………
And I miss you Big Brother.

2-09-01
7:00 pm
~SEA~

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 2001-02-10 05:35 PM

SEA,

This poem has a lot of potential. I don't know if you can see the difference between this one and the other but I can. A strong retrospective with multiple emotions enhanced by repetition of the beginning with the end. I see some word choice problems (diction) -- "got" is just hard on my ear -- and a few other problems (more a matter of development) and wonder if you'd like to work on it in more depth?

I suppose it's a matter of your temperament more than anything else. If you're the type that gets 'inspired', writes feverishly, and then thinks to change anything would somehow be untrue to you, then probably not the best idea. I'm not that type of person.

However, if you like to tinker with words, try new ideas, explore and develop themes, I really would like to offer some suggestions.

Just an opinion,
Brad

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