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Breakfast
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Breakfast |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
"Breakfast" In daylight's waking moments we begin through gauze of vague resistance, final fade, to glide the sweet on salivating sin, as invitation's tongue to marmalade. For sleeping brings a hunger to the soul and bids the flesh partake of luscious taste. As wine of life flows deep to fragrant bowl would truer sin be found within its waste? While appetites arise in bold repast and morning moans unfurl awakened thirst, indulge this mortal ache for breaking fast and, drowning, swallow pure temptation's burst. Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau [This message has been edited by Meadowmuse (edited 02-08-2001).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
You've got a nice meter here, classic meter is always nice to read. The rhymes bother me but only because you use some rather overused words -- sin, soul and so forth. The trick of course is to do what you did but make it sound as natural to the ear as possible -- here's where I think you stumbled a bit. As a result, you've got a disparity between the tone of your poem and what you're writing about which is fine if this is intended to be comic. Breakfast as erotica and erotica as breakfast is nice but why not go all the way and make this one more Pope-like? Always wish we had more writers working on more traditional forms. Keep it up! Just an opinion, Brad |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Brad, thanks sincerely for giving me your thoughts about this piece. It's one I had workshopped at The Atlantic Monthly but still wanted to get some input. Classic poetry is always my first love and inclination, but like any writer, I sometimes get comfortable in my work and find that I'm not pushing hard enough. (o: Thanks for giving me your opinion on this poem, Brad. Claire Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Claire, I, too, found this piece of classic poetry refreshing to see among the sea of free verse (even though I am a free-verser). I love classic poetry...wish I could write it well, and I think this poem reads smoothly (nice meter), and is deliciously sensual. Quite a combination for a classic poem! It's hard enough to find the words you want to say without having to fit them into the rhythm of the piece. I think you did a wonderful job... Kris  "It is wisdom to know others; It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu |
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