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Critical Analysis #1
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The Heart
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Heart |
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epoet Member
since 2000-05-11
Posts 291grand rapid,MI, usa 
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The heart, very center of my being. Filled only with love for mankind. I sit here and see the wrongs of society, saddening to me but death to some. The homeless stared at like some kind of disease. The poor treated like trash or worse. The rich getting richer while everyone else struggles to make it through another day. The heart, center for all feeling. Destroyed slowly by corruption and moral decay. Husbands cheating on wives, Kids killing kids. Whats wrong with us that we can't seem to fix? Are we doomed to a destiny of destruction? Or can mankind truly change its ways? I hope so for the future of generations to come....... P. J. Kotrch carpe diem A soul once touched is a soul once blessed by love |
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| © Copyright 2001 Pat Kotrch - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
wow............this is very moving. I can only hope things change, people change, for the sake of future generations.  -SEA |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
A little too abstract for my taste -- seems more like a philosophical plea than a poem about hearts. Um, don't forget that hearts emotions also lead to bad events as well -- the fervor can go in either direction. Maybe drop the heart stuff and concentrate on the moment that you felt this feeling and describe what you saw at precisely that moment. Just an opinion, Brad |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
epoet: I must agree with Brad ... this reminded me of the mutterings of old Gramma which you listen to out of respect but not desire. I think the problem might be that all your references were so vague ... you really didn't try to put a face to any of the problems you listed, instead touching on each one briefly and then drifting away on some aimless wind. If your intent was to illuminate your heart and how it relates to all of these problems, try giving an example of any of the "wrong of society" you listed and write about how and why it touches your heart. What emotions does it stir, and why? In order to make this an effective piece, you must grab your audience ... make them believe what you believe, see what you see. We're a visual society: give us (mental) pictures!! For starters, I would suggest trying to flesh out only one or two of the points you touched on ... otherwise, I have the feeling you're going to end up with a very long poem. Respectfully, Linda Remember: maintaining a positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will certainly annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. |
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dreamer1 12 5 24 Member
since 2000-12-11
Posts 150crossing between |
Personally, I like it the way it is. I think it lets the reader hear, and develop their own "flesh" to the fact that homeless people are stared at like trash. I don't know, that's just what I think. ....peace as a primary objective is dangerous because it implies that we would sacrifice anything for the sake of it.... Robert Kaplan |
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epoet Member
since 2000-05-11
Posts 291grand rapid,MI, usa |
Thank you Sea and Dreamer. I appreciate your comments. I do have to agree with Brad and Skyfyre. I was just tossing this out to see what people thought about this rough draft of an idea that I want to pursue. I know now that if I am to make this better, I need to expand on a certain idea or area of hurt. :thinking P. J. Kotrch carpe diem A soul once touched is a soul once blessed by love |
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