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Critical Analysis #1
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Drowning
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Drowning |
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mere enigma Junior Member
since 2001-01-29
Posts 18 |
Part I He drowned me. With his obsession With his desire With his possession With his pride He drowned me. In the well of his incessant demands Pushed me under, Struggling, fighting, gasping, Spitting out his kisses, Choking on his wishes He drowned me. Left me floating My dead, unfocused eyes Looking at a small patch of starless sky my hands clutching at two cherubs hovering over me, calling my name. He drowned me. pushed me under the dark cold waters of despair Which filled my ears, my eyes, my brain. Part II He saved me. pulled me up by dripping hair, pushed the water from my lungs sucked and blew my life back clutched my hand, my foot, my breast, my heart. St(r)oked fire with his fingertips dripped sparks from his lips fed the flames with chocolate and leather and chains doused them with ambiguities and promises and absence leaving a hidden spark to come and rekindle with smooth scented words and fragrant kisses with lost phrases and unspoken lies Part III He caressed me Without a touch. Held me From across the way Stole my sadness hijacked my fear swindled my laughter coerced my passion He sailed by me and through me caught me and fell persistently incessantly repeatedly constantly holding me in his thoughts caressing me in my dreams stroking me in my sleep hugging me with his laughter I let myself go and lost myself, floated in his touch swam in his caress splashed in his smile dove in his eyes and danced in his shadow he left an epitaph of guilty pleasure tattooed on my conscience a tribute to triumph inscribed on my loss a stream of notes painted on my soul a map to my heart etched in the sand |
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| © Copyright 2001 Mere Enigma - All Rights Reserved | |||
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sylphid Junior Member
since 2001-01-23
Posts 30 |
You are far from drowned dear friend.. These cant be the words of the dead.. Mere…. Lose the guilt… Lose the sand if you have to And let go of the loss. But not of your conscience ever… Remember You have drowned tasting water Came back tasting the nerve of life..love itself.. |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Mere, This is a very emotive poem. You express yourself well and the continuity holds up throughout the piece. I enjoyed the read. Jason Jason God is a warm whisper from the cool void. Jack Kerouac |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I like the contrasts you present here but I wonder if you might try to show the drowning, the saving, the caressing rather than simply telling us that is what happened (keep the title though). Just an opinion, Brad |
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