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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Rebirth |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
The summer days stretched themselves, Hot and sticky before their endless nights. Dreams errupted from dampened lips; Which shattered the darkness with threats Of ripping stars from their seats and jeweling your crown. And nothing was too much for you. Deserted pavement wound itself eternally, Still warm from the bake of day. And there we lay dining on life, Drinking our wine... Asphalt melted under our heat. It was the soft moments. Those tender times when we were alone; Abandoned in our world for too brief a second. Discovering eyes, mouths, the taste of lover's dew. It was safety found in bewilderment. The night played our chorus. Whiporwhils sang our song of vanquished inhibition... A new innocence was found in dirt, oil, and grime. Jason God is a warm whisper from the cool void. Jack Kerouac |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jason L. Humphres - All Rights Reserved | |||
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Jason, Very nice...I enjoyed the imagery your words created...the atmosphere brought about by the combinations of words and phrases. Sultry, I would say. The only thing I might consider changing (IMHO), is the last line. I found it broke into that sultry atmosphere and muddied it up just a bit. It's a good line...it just doesn't seem like it belongs here. Other than that, I thoroughly enjoyed the read. Really good work, Jason, Kris "As to conforming outwardly and living your own life inwardly, I do not think much of that" - Thoreau |
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mark woolard Member
since 2001-01-02
Posts 143 |
A true experience? the imagery is cool, man! "ripping stars from their seats and jewling your crown" "still warm from the bake of the day"--I felt the heat and long for summers incovienient degree! I felt it, man. I felt it. The world in the arms of a lover when it's just the two of you alive in your own safe world where the birds always sing your hearts. (The last line was a little weird, but didn't riun the poem for me. I interpreted it as a symbol of how nothing could soil the moment) |
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Littlewings Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 62 |
Great poem!! The thing is I love the last line.It seems throught the poem that Its like a dream and there are all these images and emotion and then...The last line is like a calming influence it ties the work down out of the dream into reality. the trueness of the situation is expressed in the last line.I end up ending alot of my stuff like that unknowingly.But its good! |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Kris, Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed the read. About the last line, the dirt, oil, and grime is somewhat symbolic in that society seems either to cheapen sex or make it a "dirty" thing. But you know that time right after you've made love to that special person when you just lay there holding one another...there is nothing there but pure innocence. J.L.H. Mark, Thanks for the compliments. I'm glad you felt the poem. It's not a true experience in that I've ever made love in a highway, but emotionally there is truth there. J.L.H. Littlewings, Thanks, I agree about the last line. To me it is the strongest line of the whole poem. Thanks for reading and commenting. J.L.H. Jason God is a warm whisper from the cool void. Jack Kerouac |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
J.L.H., I enjoyed the poem and the discussion. I was also puzzled by the last line, but I understand what you meant by it now. Maybe if I had pondered it longer after reading it, I might've figured it out. Anyway, the poem was very descriptive and sincere. I like asking poets questions about their work (it's fun to answer them too, I think), so here are a few. Can I ask what the threats are in the first stanza? That one seemed to have a bit of a different feel - not that that's bad or anything. It seemed to convey intense feeling, but I sort of thought it was angst rather than love. It made a nice intro, though. Maybe are you juxtaposing the couple with the rest of the world? Anyway, that was another great poem by you. Your poems seem to be packed with meaning, emotion and imagery. You have quite a gift. I'll keep reading your work when I get the chance. Ashley |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Ashley, Thanks for your kind words. The "threats" are directed at "ripping the stars from their seats." Those two lines go together. The poem is purely about the couple, just them; isolation of the couple is the main idea of the poem in fact. Thanks for reading. J.L.H. Jason God is a warm whisper from the cool void. Jack Kerouac |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
J.L.H., I think I posted too many poems in too short an amount of time! I haven't got any responses for a while now. If you have a minute, would you consider reading my "Death of a Victim" and let me know what you think (or, if you prefer, I posted a fairly short story in the prose section)? I respect your opinion and I'd appreciate it. I'm a little disappointed because I thought it would generate a lot more discussion. I know there are a lot of talented poets here, so I guess I shouldn't take it personally. Anyway, I'll leave it with you. Hope you don't mind me asking. Ashley |
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