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toe lightly
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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toe lightly |
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Felix Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 78USA 
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toe lightly rippling smooth reflection grinning up at me ragged skirt torn shirt tennis shoes with toes thrown sideways abandoned for the earth squishing up to fill in the holes happy echoes touch water flying through the air kicking feet hanging legs bare to the thigh lying back face to sun wonderful life it is Did you ever read about a frog who dreamed of being a king, and then became one? - Neil Diamond |
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| © Copyright 2001 Stacey Sutton - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Littlewings Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 62 |
This is precious.Makes me think of being a kid in the summer .I love your word usage and imagery. Love the format.Great. |
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mark woolard Member
since 2001-01-02
Posts 143 |
(. . .it's like those were my toes fracturing the surface tension. . .i can smell the air, feel the sun--wait a minute! when did i start wearing skirts?!) critical analysis: second stanza paints a good picture, but it took a moment to see. had to take a moment to realize the shoes were on the ground (could just be my dense skull). third stanza threw me: happy echoes touch water flying through the air the placement of "touch" made me pause, which disconnected the whole thought. other than that, i loved this--especially "toe lightly"! those two words do a lot for me. |
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Lerk Junior Member
since 2000-11-17
Posts 49Dayton, OH USA |
I enjoyed how lighthearted this was. the only thing I experimented with was flushing it left, like so: toe lightly rippling smooth reflection grinning up at me ragged skirt torn shirt tennis shoes with toes thrown sideways abandoned for the earth squishing up to fill in the holes happy echoes touch water flying through the air kicking feet hanging legs bare to the thigh lying back face to sun wonderful life it is ----but, then, I quickly saw how it wasnt as fun as centered. Good choice! Its also nice to see some poetry on things other than unrequited love, tortured loneliness or ephemeral vissitude. Fun! "A little folly now and then, is treasured by the wisest men" --Willy Wonka |
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