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Inside Me
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Inside Me |
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M'Hal Junior Member
since 2001-01-04
Posts 15 |
Inside Me "People demand freedom of speech to make up for freedom of thought which they avoid" -Soren Aabye Kierkegaard A slithery demon whispers in my ear, Rasping my name, demanding my thought... He offends my mind and refuses to return Control, taunting me with my life... His voice is mine. M'Hal |
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| © Copyright 2001 M'Hal - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Mendy Junior Member
since 2000-11-11
Posts 34 |
Inside Me "People demand freedom of speech to make up for freedom of thought which they avoid" -Soren Aabye Kierkegaard A slithery demon whispers in my ear, Rasping my name, demanding my thought... ___________________________________________________________________________________ Comment. Just a humble opinion - I love the images conjured especially the image of the snake(if I got that right) and the unease at the intrusiveness of the deamon entering uninvited into the narrators private space. The qoute would either weaken - if the demon is forcing the narrator not to avoid thought against his/her will or strengthen it in that the narrator is already exercising freedom of thought just not sharing them. This works for me because I love poems with this kind of duality. ____________________________________________________________________________________ He offends my mind and refuses to return Control, taunting me with my life... ____________________________________________________________________________________ Comment. The seperation of the mind from self of the reader doesn't work for me, I can't really say why but 'He offends me' is my preference but then this isn't my poem. I am really interested to know the reason for this seperation. If this relates to the narrators loss of control then I get it but I fear misinterpretation. ____________________________________________________________________________________ His voice is mine. ____________________________________________________________________________________ Comment. I love the ending mainly because, if you will excuse the presumption, many would be able to identify that inner voice as their but that still leaves questions of other forces influencing inspiration. I really appreciated this poem and look forward to reading more of your work, all the best Hilton if it is true that the world talks toomuch then let us all keep quiet and hear the eloquence of silence - Richard Ntiru |
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mark woolard Member
since 2001-01-02
Posts 143 |
SWEET! clue me in: since the voice is yours, is it an acceptable presence, or are you describing the unwanted "alter-ego" dark side we all posess? also, is the quote a part of the actual poem? seems a little akward if read as such. otherwise, the whole thing is great! minimal verse is my cup of tea! |
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M'Hal Junior Member
since 2001-01-04
Posts 15 |
Mark- I appreciate the feedback. I was describing the unwanted thoughts that see it fit to place themselves in my head. When I read this aloud, I start by reading the quote, I toyed with reading it before/after, and liked it preceeding the best. I too tire quickly of line after line of verse. I'll read/reply you later. M'Hal |
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Raj_Yura Junior Member
since 2001-01-08
Posts 13 |
hi Hal the last line "His Voice is Mine " what it really means ? Does it mean the speech and thought concour ? can u elaborate ? |
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M'Hal Junior Member
since 2001-01-04
Posts 15 |
Raj- "His voice is mine" This is where I explain that the unwanted thoughts, or the demon's voice, is actually my voice and my thoughts. |
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M'Hal Junior Member
since 2001-01-04
Posts 15 |
Raj- "His voice is mine" This is where I explain that the unwanted thoughts, or the demon's voice, is actually my voice and my thoughts. |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
M'Hal, I liked this one. I thought it was concise but meaningful and I can definately relate. I liked beginning the poem with a quotation in some respects, because it got me to stop and think. In other respects, it sort of made me think the rest of the poem was going to make a social or political statement rather than a personal and emotional one. I'm just wondering - if you put it into your own words and tied it closer to the poem, could it enchance the effectiveness of using it? I'm not sure, but there's an idea. I did like it, though, especially the variety of sensory details you used to create a complete experience for the reader in only a few lines. Something I was wondering about: did you have a specific reason for putting the word "Control" on the next line instead of beside the rest of the phrase? Maybe to keep us reading? When I first read "...and refuses to return" I thought "But it seems to me that the demon is always there." Then I kept reading and got it. I also wondered about your choice of words in "He offends my mind" - is this to draw our attention to the fact that the voice lives in the speaker's mind perhaps? Anyway, nice job! Hope you'll share more! Ashley |
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