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Critical Analysis #1
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Forever In a Moment
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Forever In a Moment |
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CareBear3 Junior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 39New Hampshire |
a picture perfect taken a moment stilled in time a night never to be forgotten emotion preserved in mind forgotten through the years turned yellow on the edge stacked away in boxes once lost along the ledge a love promised forever died within a year a desire once uncontrollable lost without a tear a night up in the attic the boxes all unpacked revealed a night to remember piled among the stacks a night full of passion sealed within a flash rekindled an ended love and renewed a love to last a picture perfect taken a moment stilled in mind a night never to be forgotten a love outlasting time |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kelley - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
I really like the way you expressed your emotions in this poem. He must have been unforgetable, perhaps a first love? |
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ChocXstacy New Member
since 2000-12-03
Posts 6 |
I like the way this poem pulls me in. What I like most is the way you frame the poem between the first and the last stanza which are almost alike(you switch the placement of "mind" and "time") but just dissimilar enough to add that extra something... Very nice. However the flow is broken a little for me when you start the second stanza with the word "forgotten" after just having used it at the end of the third line in the first stanza. I'm not sure why it struck me as odd. Then again, it could just be me. |
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sexyILN Junior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 29 |
Wow! You use your words well! That was awesome! Now for the critiquing part. (I hate this part!) I think I agree with ChocXstacy about the "forgotten"s in the first and second stanzas, but for a different reason. In the first stanza, you say that the night would never be forgotten, but in the second stanza, you say that it was forgotten through the years. But other than that I loved it. ...peace as a primary goal, is dangerous because it implies that you will sacrifice any principle for the sake of it.... Robert Kaplan |
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Wesley the Blue Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 426Forest Lake, MN, USA |
Good piece. I agree with the others. I also think that rhyming could improve the flow greatly. You rhymed the second and fourth lines in the second and third stanzas, and to me those are the ones that flowed the best. Keep up the good work KM every day is a new day with which we can change the world |
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