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Critical Analysis #1
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Choices
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Choices |
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sexyILN Junior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 29 |
I stand at a mental crossroads I have many choices from here. my life’s course is to be determined and I have no idea where to go. I could follow the yellow brick road or I could go down the wide, easy road. I could take the path of insanity, or I could choose to go on with life, and ignore the circumstances, which is also a conscious choice. I could follow in the path of my ancestors or I could beat a new road for others to refine. I could go to Gloryland and look for Elvis, or I could go to Wonderland and talk with Alice. I think it’s too late I’ve already chosen. I am walking the path of the insane. Oh well. I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it! ...peace as a primary goal, is dangerous because it implies that you will sacrifice any principle for the sake of it.... Robert Kaplan |
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Wesley the Blue Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 426Forest Lake, MN, USA |
First of all, I like the idea behind this poem. Now for the critique part of it. I think that you repeat some words too much throughout the poem. For example: "I could follow the yellow brick road or I could go down the wide, easy road." I think the "I could" in the second line is a little much, I think it would sound better if you left it out. "or go down the wide, easy road." this goes with the rest of the poem. In each couplet, the second "I could" could either be left out, or replaced with something. Otherwise I think its a good poem, and remember, this is just my opinion. You the writer make the final decisions. KM Even in the darkest night, someone will be there holding a candle for you. |
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sexyILN Junior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 29 |
Thanks Der Keit I'll remember that. Don't repeat words too often. Don't repeat words too often.  hee hee! But, yeah, seriously, I'll change that when I figure out how I'm supposed to do that!...peace as a primary goal, is dangerous because it implies that you will sacrifice any principle for the sake of it.... Robert Kaplan |
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sexyILN Junior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 29 |
Thanks Der Keit I'll remember that. Don't repeat words too often. Don't repeat words too often. hee hee! But, yeah, seriously, I'll change that when I figure out how I'm supposed to do that!...peace as a primary goal, is dangerous because it implies that you will sacrifice any principle for the sake of it.... Robert Kaplan |
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sexyILN Junior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 29 |
Thanks Der Keit I'll remember that. Don't repeat words too often. Don't repeat words too often. hee hee! But, yeah, seriously, I'll change that when I figure out how I'm supposed to do that!...peace as a primary goal, is dangerous because it implies that you will sacrifice any principle for the sake of it.... Robert Kaplan |
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sexyILN Junior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 29 |
OOPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it seems i have accidentally posted... how many times... three i think. DAMN! sorry people! ...peace as a primary goal, is dangerous because it implies that you will sacrifice any principle for the sake of it.... Robert Kaplan |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Hi sexyILN I am going to have to agree with Der Keit, it is a little repetitiouos, I counted "I could" eight times, maybe if you replaced them with other words, I think your poem would flow more easily. Well that is also my opinion  Other than that I like your poem, I like the concept behind it Maree "If my words could blanket the skies and fill every corner and crevice of this earth, still this wouldn't be enough" "Maree Russo" |
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ChocXstacy New Member
since 2000-12-03
Posts 6 |
I just like the idea that insanity is a place where one can be free. That and the Alice in Wonderland/Graceland part really moved me. Cutting the repetition would make it sharper. However, you could push the repetion angle if you wanted to reflect the content by your form. The insane fixate and repeat. Of course that may mean lots of work and I'm not sure where you'd start. Don't you just love advice that causes more work but doesn't give you a clue as to how to go about it?...sorry...lol Your poem just made me think of this verse from a song titled "Insanity". I'm headed for the brink of insanity And I hope to get there soon I'm tired of being sane in the world now There's too much to be consumed I'm headed for the brink of insanity I can see the door not far ahead I hope that they sedate me and give me a rest |
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sexyILN Junior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 29 |
Thanks Dark Angel and ChocXstacy. ChocXstacy, I think that while repeating may give the impression of insanity, I do agree that the second "I could" from each couplet should go. What good does the impression of insanity do anyone if they are bored? Poems, while first written for the individual, are written second for everyone else. But, yeah, thanks all! ...peace as a primary goal, is dangerous because it implies that you will sacrifice any principle for the sake of it.... Robert Kaplan |
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dreamer1 12 5 24 Member
since 2000-12-11
Posts 150crossing between |
hello! I'm ILN, but with a new name, the last one was an idea of a friend of mine, now that I've got a better idea of my own, I'll use it instead. sexyILN ....peace as a primary objective is dangerous because it implies that we would sacrifice anything for the sake of it.... |
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