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Flowers |
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Littlewings Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 62 |
Would you care if I cried? I do , cry about you. My heart will hurt. You take my time , you take my breath. I dont know what to say to my simple eyes pleasure. I wish you would just know im there. Would you even really care ... If I wore flowers in my hair. This is a poem dedicated to Dado... |
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| © Copyright 1999 Littlewings - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Littlewings Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 62 |
There is supposed to be a question mark at the end!!! |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
this is also good. i can't even begin to critique it.. great! |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Littlewings, it seems we have very different ideas about what poetry is. Nothing wrong with that but I don't know how useful my words will be to you. Please remember, this is the Critical Analysis forum but I mean nothing insulting by this: Sorry, this poem doesn't work for me. I don't see anybody I can care about, no situation, no voice, and the last line reminds me of Led Zeppelin. Tell me the whole story, make me care (or despise) the characters in the story -- true or fictive. You said on another post that you like to write about feelings but feelings without a situation are abstractions -- they don't make the reader feel anything. Reality and feeling comes in the detail (most of the time). Don't hide in your head; tell us what happened. I want a rewrite. Just an opinion, Brad |
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