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Critical Analysis #1
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Who I Truly Am - An Announcement
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Who I Truly Am - An Announcement |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563
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I'd lost the person that I used to be, In repressed shame, I'd hidden her away, For I do suffer from a malady, That many people often tend to say, Is only just an illness of the mind, And can't compare to others physical, When in reality, researchers find, Depression is much more than quizzical, An illness of the body and the brain, One can't control, and should not feel ashamed, Though I am educated and quite sane, I feared rejection, that I may be blamed, For pain that I did suffer long and deep, In yearning for the peacefulness of sleep. So I created someone whom I thought Could take my place, and not have to explain, Behavior that was from depression wrought, For stigma lives within me too; more pain is often brought about by just that fact, The knowing most still harbor stigma's bane, Recovery from times so dark, abstract, Are hindered by mistaken notions' reign, I have returned, I've finally found the light, The gloom and misperceptions are now gone, I ask you to forgive my sorry flight, This mia character is finally done. Please understand it was just to protect A healing psyche: not of disrespect. An Open Letter to Passion's Forum: Sometime in the past summer's months, an old enemy came to visit me. It was unexpected, crept up insidiously, and engulfed me. It is ironic that the worst of it came shortly I had been trying to help with the teen suicide issue. I have suffered from a depressive illness since 1994, but had been in remission for over five years. I was so confident that I had overcome this illness that I had stopped watching for symptoms. I started my final internship, as I had said I would be doing, and was not able to continue. As I am quite a perfectionist (those with mood disorders often are), this hit me very hard, and I could not understand what was wrong with me. It culminated in a suicide attempt that I walked through as if in a dream - until I suddenly awoke with the taste of liquor in my mouth and saw a handful of pills reaching towards my mouth. The awakening frightened me so that I immediately called my doctor. As it turns out, my antidepressant, which I'd been taking for six years, had lost its efficacy. I was gradually tapered off one while adding a new one. I am finally crawling out of a tunnel that, for a long while, I had not even realized I'd been in. It's wonderful to see the light! I now have my sense of humor back, my thinking is clear, and I feel strong. My instructor was very caring and understanding, and I begin another internship in January. In the meantime I volunteer at a local hospital's rehab unit. I wanted everyone here to realize that even those educated about these illnesses cannot control them totally. The young people, and others, who write poems about suicide probably have little understanding of the mechanics behind these thoughts. We should all exercise the greatest amount of patience and compassion in dealing with them, and offer our help, as they are in as much or more pain than the person with a fractured leg or someone with a case of pneumonia. Depression is a physical illness, and suicidal thoughts, gestures, etc. are just as much symptoms of an illness as a high fever or stomach pains. Thank you all for listening, Kris....Warmhrt (aka miapoetess...the mia was for missing in action) [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 11-22-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Glad you're back. I missed you. PS Don't ask why. If you do, you already know. Brad |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Kris, It is great to have you back. I too have missed you much. I know we all have, although, I must confess to enjoying Mia while you were gone. Here's to the best of the best to you. Pete |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Kris, this is good news in deed. Take your time, write and recover. Thank you for sharing your story, it may help others here.  |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Though I did not recieve an overwhelming or even otherwise response here, you are stuck with me...sorry. I do thank those who did respond... Brad, uh...thanks...uh...I think?  Pete, Thank you...I can always count on your kindness.  I'm glad to be back to myself...although mia is still lurking about in here somewhere. That last poem was pure warmhrt.Sharon, Thanks to you, too, and that is exactly the reason I posted the announcement...in the hopes that it could possibly help even a single person. Glad to be back...thanks again.< !signature--> "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." ~ Albert Einstein [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 11-24-2000).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Warm hugs to a warm heart...someday we need to talk... now, continue your forward walk... K |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Many hugs to you Kris ... for the vivid reality and clarity you bring to this issue through your words. Thank you again for helping us with the teen issues earlier ... many of your caring thoughts have been taken to heart and are remembered as we encounter various issues. I'm so very grateful for the input you gave at that time. My brother suffers from manic depression, and the dosage is monitored, as he too, has found that he can slip back into a very difficult state. I'm so glad you've gained strength and are doing well. Take care ... Best wishes, /Kit |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Karilea, Thanks so much, and write me anytime. I would look forward to talking. Kit, You are just one of so many that one of these illnesses touches in one way or another. I wish you and your brother the best, and I thank you for your kind words. Kris "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." ~ Albert Einstein |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Kris: Glad to hear you're doing well and that you are back. We missed you. Jim |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Jim, I have not seen much of you lately. You must be very busy. Hope things are going well for you and the family. Thank you for the welcome back...you don't know how thankful I am to be here. I've missed all of you, as well. Kris I am not a visionary ~ I am a practical idealist. ~ Gandhi |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
hi warmhrt, i was surprised to hear that miapoetess is you... just wanted to say that i enjoyed miapoetess' subtle flirting with Poetree and Christopher(poor man, he just wears a singlet and you say he is an exhibitionist).....i had great fun monitoring miapoetess' adventures here and i dont think that your double identity is a mark of disrespect... now that you are warmhrt back, keep up miapoetess' good work okie..... HUGS [This message has been edited by kaile (edited 12-01-2000).] |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
kaile, Thank you so much for your kind words...and not to worry...miapoetess was a part of warmhrt...she's still in here somewhere. As far as PT goes...he seems to have disappeared. I can't very well "flirt" (if that's what you want to call irritating someone) if that person isn't around. Same goes for the now comfortably clad Christopher. Thank you, kaile, for the warm words, Hugs back to you, Kris All good poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings...~William Wordsworth |
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kcsgrandma Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1522Presque Isle, ME |
Hi! I haven't done much commenting in here, but did read several of your posts as mia. As a sometime sufferer of depression myself, with past bouts of medication and therapy, I find this a really interesting way to deal with the problem, sort of getting outside your own head for a while. I appreciate your sharing this poem, and the story behind it. Interesting how many of the people who suffer from mental illness become interested in working in that area. I find it interesting that, despite your knowledge that it is not your fault that you have been ill, and your good explanation of that fact, you seem to feel compelled to apologize for it. Is this intentional? And I'm with those who don't want to see mia totally gone. Hiding pieces of yourself is one of the most depressing things you can do. Glad you're feeling better. To love another person is to see the face of God. - Les Miserables Marilyn |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Marilyn, No, I don't feel the need to apologize for the depression, although I must admit that things that I've done during times of altered perceptions do leave me feeling guilty (as it does with most sufferers). What I was really apologizing for here was posing as someone else, even though she was a big part of me...I felt it was somewhat deceitful. Now I know there are many people on the net who have multiple names and personalities...akin to acting out different roles...I'm not judging anyone, but that doesn't feel right to me here, when I've been friends with many, and everyone knows me as warmhrt or Kris (one and the same). Hope I answered your question...thanks for reading and for your kind wishes...I could use all the support I can get. This thing kinda shook my confidence a bit after being well for so long. Warm thanks, Kris< !signature--> All good poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings...~William Wordsworth [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 12-02-2000).] |
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kcsgrandma Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1522Presque Isle, ME |
Thanks, Kris. I did wonder if that was what you meant. I can understand your feeling that it was deceptive, but we all have various facets, and maybe a little role-playing isn't a bad thing sometimes. In any case, I do appreciate your present candor. It takes courage to show all those vulnerable spots in you. To love another person is to see the face of God. - Les Miserables Marilyn |
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dragonpoe Senior Member
since 2000-11-12
Posts 608Palm Bay, Florida |
Being rather new here on the site, I am catching this at the end, but I must say that the only offense I could think of with you taking a break from yourself and becoming Mia, would have been if the real you didn't come back. I admire your strength to face and deal with Depression, and to offer yourself into a field where you will not only help yourself but many others. Always keep writing. We poets have a gift that not many are blessed with. We can work out so much stuff through our writing, which, I believe, makes us very strong, capable and surviving people. With the word, I am mighty, with the pen I am free.. dragonpoe |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Dragon, Thank you for the words of encouagement and best wishes, I can gladly say that I am doing very well...looking forward to my LAST internship to start after the first of the year. The best to you, my friend, Kris All good poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings...~William Wordsworth |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Hi Wrmhrt, I know this is an old message, but I read it and still wanted to reply. Wow, thanks for sharing. I can definitely relate to feeling like I was in a "dark place" in the past. I don't know why creative, sensitive people are especially vulnerable, but bless you for being so open about your illness and recovery. Hopefully you can use writing as a way out of depression as opposed to a way back in (something I've tried to learn myself). I'm sure you'll have lots of people here prayin' for you, myself included. Good luck on your journey, Ashley |
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mark woolard Member
since 2001-01-02
Posts 143 |
warmhrt: beautiful! the depth of depression captured. it is strengthening to hear of other peoples testimonies relating to mood disorders. a sense of isolation often accompanys the curse of slow motion dream time dispare. i'm glad to hear that you are maintaining through the fog the course of creativity. creation and depression often hold hands. check out the book by Kay Redfield Jameson entitled "Touched With Fire". she documents mood disorders in the lives of many great novelists, poets and painters through the centuries, and explains how these illnesses man be seen as a positive tool for creatinity. i bet you the price of a lithium script that you'll find it beneficial! |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Ashley and Mark, Bless you, and thank you both for your good wishes. I am immersed in my internship at present...a little tired, but doing great. Unfortunately, I will be spending less time here at Passions for a while. I have read the book you mentioned, and others by Ms. Jamison...I think they are wonderful. Kaye Jamison is an inspiration to all. Thanks again for your caring comments, Kris All change in history, all advance, comes from the nonconformist. If there had been no troublemakers, no dissenters, we would still be living in caves |
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