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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Special |
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Lillian Starling New Member
since 2000-11-21
Posts 8 |
How Special You Are to Me You always tell me that you're nothing special, That you're just like everyone else, Then why has no one else touched my heart the way you have, Why is your name the only one to cause a tremble in my heart when it falls from my lips, When it falls from anyone's lips. I can't explaine exactly what it is that makes you special, Maybe it's your eyes, The way you touch me, The way you HOLD me, The way your voice sounds when you tell me "I love you," Maybe it's nothing physical, Nothing you can see, Nothing you can hear, But it's definatly something I can feel!! I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to make you realize how special you truly are, Or if I'll be able to make anyone else see how special you are, But to me that doesn't matter, Even if I am, for eternity, the only one who ever knows just how special you are- I'd be satisfied, Because no matter what you are to the rest of the world, You are everything to me. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Revillie Trenary - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Lillian, I see you're new here so Welcome to CA. This one is really not my style so I won't try to give an in-depth critique, but just a bit of my impressions. First off, I like the sentiment. It would be nice to be the recipient  but on second thought, I'm not really sure whether this is a testimonial or a plea. Maybe I don't really need to know though.Second thing, it is just way too wordy. I think it would be much more effective as a poem if you would trim away much of the excess words and just get down to the real message. I would like to see such a revision. Well, just one unqualified opinion. Pete |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Welcome to CA! I actually like the fact that you're not trying to make this poetic but what I think you can do is make it more specific. It's a little too repetitive in places but that's easily enough edited: Maybe it's your eyes, The way you touch me, The way you HOLD me, The way your voice sounds when you tell me "I love you," Maybe it's nothing physical, I think you can describe more here; the trick is to try to show the specialness of these specific, unique moments, not by telling us they are but by trying to get the reader to feel the same thing you do. This can be done in two ways: describe what really happened and use metaphors to show, well, what really happened. Expand and explore the words you can use, not just the feelings you feel. Okay, now who's being repetitive?  Just an opinion, Brad |
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CareBear3 Junior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 39New Hampshire |
Lillian: Ok well I am going to take a different approach than everyone else. I loved it. And maybe its because I understand EXACTLY what you are saying that makes it stand out to me. "Even if I am, for eternity, the only one who ever knows just how special you are- I'd be satisfied" This is so perfect....especially the use of "satisfied" because that denotes and idea that you would be content.....and yet not happy. That word leaves so much open for interpretation as to what it is you are feeling. It is true that some poems fall into the "roses are red violets are blue" category when you use too much feeling and emotion, but I think because this poem doesnt rhyme the emotion used in the poem makes it flow. Great voice! I loved to hear more...I hope everything works out for you, best of luck. "Love is not a choice. If you could choose who you love, it would be much simpler but much less magical." "In great moments life seems neither righ |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Lilian, i enjoyed the sentiments here...though i will prefer concrete details here...how does he feel to you?how does kissing him feel like? what kind of handsome features does he has? i will like to see some personification here...i mean, i will like to conjure up a mental picture of the man close to your heart..... and WELCOME to passions! |
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kcsgrandma Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1522Presque Isle, ME |
Lillian, I identify with this, because I also have someone who insists he's nothing special, and it is clear to me that he is very special indeed! It is difficult to explain to another person what makes him/her stand out in your mind and heart. Nevertheless, I would like to see you explain what some of those invisible qualities are. Is he thoughtful? Understanding? In what ways? Does he make you smile? My guess, from my own experience, is that physical things are just gravy in this relationship, but I'm not really seeing it in this poem. Just my thoughts. Nice ideas here. To love another person is to see the face of God. - Les Miserables Marilyn |
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